Ok, here's a new blog feature, the Pre-emptive obituary.
I have no idea if this will be funny enough for me to write more than one, but I think the current situation merits it.
This is a pre-emptive obituary for: The family of 4 who came through my checkout line today. They bought several bags of jelly beans, circus peanuts, and other assorted cheap candies. I watched these candies go by for a minute, then looked up and said "wow, you must have quite the sweet tooth."
Their response: "No, we're feeding the bears."
Them: "They're cute and watching them is fun."
I didn't respond to that. I don't like developing attachments to the soon-to-be deceased. It's quite possible they've tried to pet a bear by now, and the bear is flossing its teeth with their intestines. And yes, before you ask, I checked their address when they wrote a check, and yes, they were from Illinois.
Dumbfoundedness concludes. This has been KL Snow.