Thursday, June 03, 2004

Welcome to Please have a seat, today's rant about how retarded some people in our midst are is about to begin.

So I got an e-mail today from an Uncle who shall remain nameless for the time being. Here's the text of this e-mail.


Pepsi has a new "patriotic" can coming out with pictures of the Empire State Bldg. and the Pledge of Allegiance on them. However, Pepsi left out two little words on the pledge, "Under God". Pepsi said they did not want to offend anyone. If this is true, then we don't want to offend anyone at the Pepsi corporate office. So if we don't buy any Pepsi product, they will not be offended when they don't receive our money that has the words "In God We Trust" on it.

People shouldn't send me e-mails like this. They inspire me to break things. There are times and there are places where bringing God into play is acceptable. This is not one of them. But apparently, someone "under the guidance of God," or perhaps someone who works for Coke, has felt the need to tell you which soft drink God favors. So if you want to stay in the good graces of God, crack open a Coke, or a bottle of wine, or a vial of heroin, just not a Pepsi.

Furthermore, I couldn't care less what's printed on my soft drink can. My can of Pepsi could say "We at Pepsi hope you have a stroke and die before finishing this can so we'll have half a can of Pepsi left to drink when we come ransack your house.", as long as it says "Pepsi" somewhere in there so I know what's in the can. I don't need my soft drink companies to be religious, moral, or patriotic. I need them to make soft drinks that taste good and don't make me vomit. And if you're going to stop consuming Pepsi because it doesn't say "Under God" on it, then I'd like you to stop consuming all things. Including oxygen, which for years has had the utter disrespect to refuse to acknowledge the existence of God.

1 comment:

Ryan said...

utterly perfect, couldn't have said it better myself.