Welcome to Wednesday's edition of PLEASE STOP WRITING.
As always, we start with today's crap from The Eye Patch.
June 25th came and went and I'll bet no more than a dozen Iowans and probably less than two dozen people in all of America, for that matter, know the significance of that date.
According to Proclamation 5672 — filed with the Office of the Federal Register, 4:13 p.m., June 25, 1987 — it's National Catfish Day, as proclaimed by former president Ronald Reagan.
The proclamation states, in part: In recognition of the value of farm–raised catfish, the Congress, by House Joint Resolution 178, has designated June 25, 1987, as National Catfish Day, and authorized and requested the president to issue a proclamation in its observance.
"Now, therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, president of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim June 25, 1987, as National Catfish Day. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this day with appropriate ceremonies and activities."
Unfortunately, as with too many things political, this proclamation is incomplete and somewhat misleading. You will note that this proclamation was made in recognition of the value of farm–raised catfish. There are a great many different species in the catfish family, some no bigger than your little finger, others of such huge size you couldn't fit them in your bathtub. Of all these, the only one that is farm–raised is the channel catfish, and it should have been stated so in the proclamation.
The channel catfish should also have been designated the official state fish of Iowa years ago.
GEORGE L. MARZECK Sr.
Mr. Marzeck Sr., I'm mildly unhappy that you wrote and wasted my time with this. I'm even unhappier that you reproduced. I'm sure Reagan and his staff spent hours, maybe even days discussing which catfish to praise and which to ignore. Perhaps he even had the Presidential bathtub filled with catfish to check their size.
And of course, you're right, our legislators should take time away from piddly topics from education, health care and the environment, and get to work on naming Iowa's OFFICIAL FUCKING FISH.
Let's stick with the Eye Patch for letter 2:
Kudos to Phillip W. Hillman on his opinion of the recent pay raise of our city manager. I couldn't agree more that this seems to be unnecessary and overindulgent. The City Council cited its decision for giving him this pay raise — it doesn't want to lose him. Like there's no one else qualified to be in this position? Wake up citizens of Burlington. You've been led around by your noses too long. Open your eyes and your mouths. It's time.
KATHY R. CALDWELL
Y'know, she's absolutely right. Anyone who wants to make more than $6600 a year is just greedy. So as Ms. Caldwell says, "open your eyes and your mouths." And look at the fact that your mayor would still be below the poverty line if you doubled his salary. Then say something about political greed.
Here's a quick one for #3:
Worldwide there are some 6,700 languages and 39,000 dialects spoken, yet English is used as the language of international diplomacy, business and air-traffic control. This use of a common language promotes understanding, efficiency and safety.
It is simply impractical to provide government services and documents in the 162 languages spoken in the United States. We should conduct official business in a common language and private business in our language of choice.
6700 languages? Really? And to find 39,000 dialects, you'd have to count three different kinds of Minnesotan. I don't need the people at the local police station to speak Ojibwe, but can one person in the office speak simple Spanish? Is that really that much to ask?
This has been KL Snow.