Tuesday's edition of PLEASE STOP WRITING is brought to you by the letter C, for CRAZY, the letter I, for IRRELEVANT, and the letter S, for STUPID.
First, the crazy one, which of course comes from The Hawk Eye:
Remember Sunday's post, when Charles Young of Phoenix, Arizona, was informed of his great potential? Well, I sense a great potential in him too. A great potential to write utter crap. Favorite lines are in bold, as always.
Kudos to George L. Marzeck Sr. for his excellent letter, "Seeking Answers", July 2. He certainly speaks for me, and far more eloquently than I.
I would add a comment. Congress is made up of gutless cowards who march goose steps behind George W. Bush. They will never have the courage to impeach Bush. But half of them will be running for re–election next year. What we must do is get out the vote to remove the cowards from office and replace them with people who have the courage to stand up to Bush and his administration of street thugs. I have great admiration for Howard Dean because he stands up to George W. Bush. The Republicans hate Dean ... why? Because he tells the truth and the Republicans hate the truth. The truth uncovers all their lies.
Kudos, too, to Dick Distelhorst for his fine letter, "Please Explain", June 28. There is nothing I could add to his letter. He said it all!.
Dennis Caulfield's letter July 3, "Burning Question" left me quite perturbed over his apparent belief that 'might makes right', therefore it is quite permissible to assault anyone who disagrees with him. The difference between burning the flag and setting someone on fire is that burning the flag is a form of free speech, while setting someone on fire is an act of bodily assault and is a crime.
I wonder if Mr. Caulfield would feel the same way if someone would take a baseball bat to his head to see if they could pound some logic into his head. The flag is nothing but a piece of cloth. What it symbolizes is something that is in the heart of every American and cannot be burned away. The flag is not a holy icon.
I might remind Mr. Caulfield that according to the rules that govern the disposal of the flag, one of the methods that are approved is to 'burn the flag'. So if the amendment to ban flag burning went into effect, if one should dispose of a flag by burning it, then that person would be breaking the law that bans burning the flag. Sounds like Catch–22 to me. I would advise Mr. Caulfield to be wary of anyone speaking softly and carrying a big baseball bat.
CHARLES W. YOUNG
Wow. Flatly, wow. First of all, Charles, you win the award for "repeat offender sending letters the greatest distance," a remarkable 1647 miles.
Now, let's address your actual content. You wrote a letter, and mailed it almost 2000 miles, just so you could praise three letter writers, and add some insanity to their viewpoints?
Oh no, wait, you did something else too. You threatened to attack a letter writer with a baseball bat. This is the kind of crap the Hawk Eye publishes every day.
But we're not done with The Hawk Eye. Actually, let's call it the Eye Patch, cause reading it just makes me want to cover my eyes.
Here's the irrelevant. You may remember Mr. Caulfield from the letter above.
Steamboat Days. Budweiser and/or Miller Lite. We do seem to have a dilemma of monumental perpetuity.
I don't know how many parties you've been to, but usually the old school rule of thumb is with keg beer it doesn't make any difference if after a few beers whether Clorox or Sani–Flush is stamped on the keg. As long as it is free, cold and wet, the party is on.
And also, don't hand me that worn–out myth about judging the whopper of a hangover by the brand of beer you drank, along with that undercooked brat. You simply had a six–pack too many. Steamboat Days is not a beer–tasting contest. It's a party. Even though the beer is not free, two out of three ain't bad.
Mr. Young, you may not need your baseball bat after all. Just some Clorox to put in Mr. Caulfield's keg. Apparently he had a few before writing this as well, just check out his grammar. "but usually the old school rule of thumb is with keg beer it doesn't make any difference if after a few beers whether Clorox or Sani–Flush is stamped on the keg" might be the most grammatically incorrect sentence ever to appear in a newspaper.
Finally, the stupid one, from a first time offender, the Sioux City Journal.
I am concerned about the upcoming vote regarding renewing the school tax.
I recall that when this tax was initially proposed, about seven years ago, there was a statement made by the school board that there would be no more than 10 years needed to bring our school buildings up to snuff.
Now, what happened to that? I understand some changes needed to be made, i.e. closing Hoover instead of making renovations, and some other changes. My question is, what is going on regarding selling the site Hoover sits on, the site East Middle used to sit on, and the site West Middle used to sit on? And why are we putting an addition on West Middle? It doesn't take rocket science to determine how big a school needs to be.
I think we need to know how much those new schools cost, what is going on with marketing the old real estate and, fineally, how much longer are we going to have this penny tax?
Wouldn't it be great to vote OURSELVES an extra $6 to $8 million a year?
Brian H. Smith
Ok, first of all, Mr. Smith, if you really want to know what your school costs, you can find out in about 30 seconds by using Google. If you're too lazy to do that, go here. Furthermore, you say yourself, the project was supposed to take 10 years. SEVEN years later, you're whining. You probably spend more on porn than you'd save by getting back that penny tax. And if you were going to spend it on education, I'd vote you $6 to $8 million too.
I haven't seen a Mr. Smith this dumb since Brad Pitt.
This has been KL Snow.