A quick take on something I hate.

I hate Valentine's Day. Hate hate hate. When I was single, I was convinced it was created and perpetuated to increase the suicide rate among single people. Now, as someone who's taken, I see it as an increasingly unnecessary reminder that I need to pamper someone. Here's a quick one act play to show what I'm talking about.

CONSUMATE PROFESSIONAL CHRISTOPHER PARRISH (CP) is on a couch next to another couch seating KL and LAURA at his house.

CP: So what are you guys doing for Valentine's Day?
KL: I have class from 12:30-9, so we're going out to dinner Tuesday night.
CP: I see. I have to make dinner.
KL: If I made dinner on Valentine's Day, it'd be just like every other day.

Before Laura, I had been single on every Valentine's Day of my life. I had taken a couple of opportunities to perhaps try to find someone on Valentine's Day, hoping they'd be similarly struck by society pressing on them to find someone, but had no luck. But I don't just hate the holiday because it's been nasty to me. I hate the holiday because it's an awful concept.

If you love someone, you shouldn't need a goddamn holiday to show it. Some of us do on a day to day basis what others would never consider doing, even on Valentine's Day. Then we're expected to go above and beyond that, because it's a freakin holiday. It's a shitty, lamentable holiday forcing some people to do what they should be doing anyway and forcing others to sit in a dark corner and have it rubbed in their faces that they don't have anyone to do that for.

So with that said, just so you can maybe get a snicker out of my rage, let's see the messages we're sending with our Valentine's Day gifts:

Flowers say "I love you enough to give you something I removed from the Earth just so you could watch it die slowly."

Chocolates say "I love you enough that I don't care if, in a moment of weakness, you decide to eat the whole goddamn box and have to spend your rent money buying new clothes."

Stuffed animals say "I love you enough that I got you a warm fuzzy object so you'll still have something to cuddle with when I need to be somewhere else cause you're driving me insane."

Dinner, professional massages or trips to a day spa say "I love you but I'm sick of having to pamper/cook for/take care of you myself, so I'm paying someone else to do it."

And of course, gift certificates say "I love you but I stand absolutely no chance of actually figuring out what you want by myself."

This has been KL Snow. I promise I'll be in a better mood after this is over.