The Sandwich Saga, Part 1:

In the absence of a God to handle all my cares, worries and concerns, I've decided to make a ham sandwich. That ham sandwich can be my personal scapegoat:

"It didn't work out because it wasn't the ham sandwich's will."

An empowerment:

"I felt weak, but then I realized the ham sandiwich was with me."

And my comfort:

"The ham sandwich will make it all work out."

It's a very liberating ham sandwich. And I'll go to war with you if you question it.