How evil are you?
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Recipe:
Chicken Salad from Chicken Shit
by KL Snow
Step 1: Get shit on.
I attended my first class today on "The Iowa Environment," the last science class I'll ever have to take. First step, was of course, to introduce ourselves, and tell something interesting. I mentioned Snowbaseball.com and the new Snow Index and drew some minor interest from one of the professors (yes, this class has two professors). But there was a problem. You see, the Iowa Environment requires a lab, which is only offered two times. I had class both of those times. So after class I spoke with the professors, who recommended I drop the class. That couldn't happen. You see, I'm taking 18 credits, and to graduate I need 18 credits.
Step 2: Find someone who wants shit.
The professor who was intrigued by the Snow Index works in the math department, and was greatly interested in seeing how it works. He arranged a meeting for half an hour after class to discuss it, and the lab problem.
Step 3: Trade for Chicken Salad.
The professor was greatly intrigued by the Snow Index and what I've done with it, and offered me an independent study, consisting of...
3 papers, 5-10 pages
weekly meetings to discuss my findings
1 baseball lecture at the end of the semester, given by...KL Snow. :-)
So let's summarize. I'm losing a class called "Religion in Politics," which one fellow student told me would be "the hardest class you'll ever take." I'm gaining:
1 more morning a week where I can sleep in
A math professor to help me work on the Snow Index
The opportunity to give a lecture, on baseball, to faculty, friends and potentially baseball executives.
Exit chicken shit, enter chicken salad. Gold-plated chicken salad.
This has been KL Snow
Chicken Salad from Chicken Shit
by KL Snow
Step 1: Get shit on.
I attended my first class today on "The Iowa Environment," the last science class I'll ever have to take. First step, was of course, to introduce ourselves, and tell something interesting. I mentioned Snowbaseball.com and the new Snow Index and drew some minor interest from one of the professors (yes, this class has two professors). But there was a problem. You see, the Iowa Environment requires a lab, which is only offered two times. I had class both of those times. So after class I spoke with the professors, who recommended I drop the class. That couldn't happen. You see, I'm taking 18 credits, and to graduate I need 18 credits.
Step 2: Find someone who wants shit.
The professor who was intrigued by the Snow Index works in the math department, and was greatly interested in seeing how it works. He arranged a meeting for half an hour after class to discuss it, and the lab problem.
Step 3: Trade for Chicken Salad.
The professor was greatly intrigued by the Snow Index and what I've done with it, and offered me an independent study, consisting of...
3 papers, 5-10 pages
weekly meetings to discuss my findings
1 baseball lecture at the end of the semester, given by...KL Snow. :-)
So let's summarize. I'm losing a class called "Religion in Politics," which one fellow student told me would be "the hardest class you'll ever take." I'm gaining:
1 more morning a week where I can sleep in
A math professor to help me work on the Snow Index
The opportunity to give a lecture, on baseball, to faculty, friends and potentially baseball executives.
Exit chicken shit, enter chicken salad. Gold-plated chicken salad.
This has been KL Snow
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Just something that occured to me today...
Here's an All New One Act Play by KL Snow, not new in that it just happened, but new in that I thought about it again today.
KL is running errands on the day before Election Day with AMY, one of my supervisors and friends with the Democratic Party. AMY was beautiful, smart and funny...I haven't seen her since the day after Election Day, but that's besides the point. Anyway, on this day, AMY and I were at HyVee in a series of errands, when AMY remembered she needed a pack of cigarettes. Then, while checking out, she remembered she needed a lighter too.
AMY: I need a lighter, do you see any?
KL spots a rack of lighters and points to it.
AMY: Can you grab me one?
KL wanders over and arbitrarily picks out a yellow lighter. He comes back and hands it to AMY.
AMY: A yellow one? You know they're bad luck, right? Although I've also heard that black ones are bad luck, and red ones...
KL: I think it's possible that smoking is bad luck.
AMY laughs.
Admittedly, I made a good joke in this case. But do you ever wonder what would have happened if in that one moment of truth you had arbitrarily picked the blue lighter? Yeah, me too.
This has been KL Snow.
Here's an All New One Act Play by KL Snow, not new in that it just happened, but new in that I thought about it again today.
KL is running errands on the day before Election Day with AMY, one of my supervisors and friends with the Democratic Party. AMY was beautiful, smart and funny...I haven't seen her since the day after Election Day, but that's besides the point. Anyway, on this day, AMY and I were at HyVee in a series of errands, when AMY remembered she needed a pack of cigarettes. Then, while checking out, she remembered she needed a lighter too.
AMY: I need a lighter, do you see any?
KL spots a rack of lighters and points to it.
AMY: Can you grab me one?
KL wanders over and arbitrarily picks out a yellow lighter. He comes back and hands it to AMY.
AMY: A yellow one? You know they're bad luck, right? Although I've also heard that black ones are bad luck, and red ones...
KL: I think it's possible that smoking is bad luck.
AMY laughs.
Admittedly, I made a good joke in this case. But do you ever wonder what would have happened if in that one moment of truth you had arbitrarily picked the blue lighter? Yeah, me too.
This has been KL Snow.
Friday, January 07, 2005
I cried a little bit today.
Admittedly, I only review games when I have a bad experience. TMNT 2 entertained me for a couple of weeks, at least. Zelda: Four Swords was the first Zelda game I've ever been completely unable to put down. You didn't hear about either of those. I hated Donkey Konga, and you got pages about that. So yeah, sometimes I'm too negative.
I had a bad experience of a new kind today. You see, I've picked up a new addiction: Flipwords. You can play it at Yahoo, but to get the full experience you have to download it. The demo is 60 minutes long. I thought, "I can get a good fix in 60 minutes and then decide if I want it."
I started playing, and I got on a roll. You see, I'm good at word games. I'm really good at Wheel of Fortune and Boggle, and as luck would have it, this is almost a cross between the two. So I got on a roll. Last night I played online and lost in round 7. Today, I was rolling. Laura saved me from certain death one time around level 12, but I had pressed on, each level expecting death and miraculously surviving because of a well placed letter or free vowel, and made level 26.
Visions of high score graphics danced in my head. But the magic phrase for level 26 wouldn't come to me. Finally, with 1 turn remaining, I figured it out. I went to type it in...
And my demo ended. I screamed. A screen came up telling me to purchase the game for $19.95. I didn't even think about it. I paid. (Couldn't find a way to crack it.) After credit card information, etc, I went back to the game. A window popped up saying "Thanks for purchasing." Then it closed. And my score was gone. GONE.
I cried a little bit today.
This has been KL Snow.
EDIT: It's now Saturday, and in my third full try at the game, I reached level 31, where the phrase which stumped me was "Bubble Milk Tea." I don't know what Bubble Milk Tea is. But my score was the 445th best...of the last 24 hours. I will find you, top 10 score. And when I do, it'll say "KL" there.
Admittedly, I only review games when I have a bad experience. TMNT 2 entertained me for a couple of weeks, at least. Zelda: Four Swords was the first Zelda game I've ever been completely unable to put down. You didn't hear about either of those. I hated Donkey Konga, and you got pages about that. So yeah, sometimes I'm too negative.
I had a bad experience of a new kind today. You see, I've picked up a new addiction: Flipwords. You can play it at Yahoo, but to get the full experience you have to download it. The demo is 60 minutes long. I thought, "I can get a good fix in 60 minutes and then decide if I want it."
I started playing, and I got on a roll. You see, I'm good at word games. I'm really good at Wheel of Fortune and Boggle, and as luck would have it, this is almost a cross between the two. So I got on a roll. Last night I played online and lost in round 7. Today, I was rolling. Laura saved me from certain death one time around level 12, but I had pressed on, each level expecting death and miraculously surviving because of a well placed letter or free vowel, and made level 26.
Visions of high score graphics danced in my head. But the magic phrase for level 26 wouldn't come to me. Finally, with 1 turn remaining, I figured it out. I went to type it in...
And my demo ended. I screamed. A screen came up telling me to purchase the game for $19.95. I didn't even think about it. I paid. (Couldn't find a way to crack it.) After credit card information, etc, I went back to the game. A window popped up saying "Thanks for purchasing." Then it closed. And my score was gone. GONE.
I cried a little bit today.
This has been KL Snow.
EDIT: It's now Saturday, and in my third full try at the game, I reached level 31, where the phrase which stumped me was "Bubble Milk Tea." I don't know what Bubble Milk Tea is. But my score was the 445th best...of the last 24 hours. I will find you, top 10 score. And when I do, it'll say "KL" there.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Hey everybody!
(This is where you say "Hi Dr. KL!")
I had a weird night of dreams last night. First, I was captured and enslaved by weird triceratops-lookin creatures, and when I tried to escape they incinerated me.
Then, Wal Mart started on fire and I ran into a (strangely uninhabited) gym type building where I followed a man in a dark robe who turned around to see me, turned out to be death, and chased me for a long time before I stole away his scythe, used the blunt end to poke him in the face, and started to run before he touched me and I froze.
The third dream, finally, didn't end with me dying. When I woke up, I was completely amused by the way it turned out, so I e-mailed it to the other person I knew in the dream, Shawn Umland, a former teacher of mine, WIAA licensed basketball official, and all-around good guy, cause I thought he'd get a laugh out of it. I apologize for the sentence structure, grammatical issues and rambling nature, I wrote it immediately after waking up from the dream. But I thought I'd share the e-mail I sent him here:
EDIT: Oh, and one other thing:
(This is where you say "Hi Dr. KL!")
I had a weird night of dreams last night. First, I was captured and enslaved by weird triceratops-lookin creatures, and when I tried to escape they incinerated me.
Then, Wal Mart started on fire and I ran into a (strangely uninhabited) gym type building where I followed a man in a dark robe who turned around to see me, turned out to be death, and chased me for a long time before I stole away his scythe, used the blunt end to poke him in the face, and started to run before he touched me and I froze.
The third dream, finally, didn't end with me dying. When I woke up, I was completely amused by the way it turned out, so I e-mailed it to the other person I knew in the dream, Shawn Umland, a former teacher of mine, WIAA licensed basketball official, and all-around good guy, cause I thought he'd get a laugh out of it. I apologize for the sentence structure, grammatical issues and rambling nature, I wrote it immediately after waking up from the dream. But I thought I'd share the e-mail I sent him here:
Hey Shawn,That's all for now. This has been KL Snow.
Don't mean to bug you, but I've gotta tell you about
the dream I had last night. I was playing basketball
for Lakeland, by some bizarre occurence...basically
just trying to stay out of the way of people who knew
what they were doing. Time was running out and we were
winning, though, so I took a three, and one of the
defenders pulled me down by my arm. So I turned around
and yelled at you, "Where's the foul?" And you T'd me
up.
Thought you'd be amused. :-) See you Wednesday.
EDIT: Oh, and one other thing:
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Ok, it's been a while, and I do have some stories to tell, but before that...
It's an all new one act play by KL Snow!
I'm titling this one, which I don't always do, but let's call this one, "So what am I eating now?"
KL SNOW is at IMPERIAL GARDEN enjoying...well, maybe not enjoying...partaking in a Chinese buffet. He's seated near the front counter. The phone rings and WAITRESS comes over to answer it. A brief conversation ensues, followed by this moment:
WAITRESS (on phone): No, there's no meat in there, it's just onions and green onions, mixed when brown sauce, and then we mix in the beef.
KL stops chewing for a moment.
I'm pretty sure Ryan will agree with me in calling that a "If it weren't for my horse" moment.
Anyway, back to recent happenings. Finals came and went, nothing tremendously noteworthy occured, we're hoping for passing grades in all 6 classes, at least 2 of which are still in doubt. But it's too close to call. So we're not going to talk about that. I just ate.
Worked through the weekend and then, Monday morning I departed for Wisconsin for Christmas. Someone told me the other day that my drive back to Wisconsin (5-6 hours depending on traffic and my own personal sense of urgency) is too long, and I gave them my standard response:
"This summer I drove 1400 miles to Montana, and back, in the same week. After that, any trip where I leave and get where I'm going in the same day feels short."
I hate it when lines like that come back to bite me in the ass.
It snowed in Wisconsin on Monday. A lot. That really probably shouldn't surprise most of you. Actually, it didn't surprise me a whole lot either. I've been driving in snow for a long time, I'm pretty confident in my ability to do it. I am not nearly as confident, however, in the talents of other asshats who think they can drive in the snow.
CASE 1: Semis have no fear.
As a full time Wisconsin resident, I used to hunt a fair amount, primarily for deer. At the risk of grossing some out, I will give you a base understanding of how the process of removing a dead deer from the woods works.
STEP 1: Shoot deer. Sometimes more than once. If you don't do this right, the rest of the process is much harder.
STEP 2: Find deer, remove guts. Leave gut pile in woods. I'm sure something will eat it...not something I'd ever want to encounter/kiss though.
STEP 3: Find a friend (hopefully), enlist help in dragging dead deer to a vehicle of some form, preferably not a bicycle. Dragging a dead deer will sometimes cause you to leave a trail of blood behind you. It won't draw sharks, don't worry about it.
Anyway, now that you understand the process, here's the point. I used to wonder how other deer could walk through the same place, see a pile of entrails and trail of blood, and not think "this probably isn't a safe place." Semis in the snow operate on the same concept. On I-90, I drove past a semi which was jacknifed, tipped over on its side, and had its trailer bent in half. It's probably the most vehicular carnage I've ever seen in person. Not 30 seconds after driving past this, a semi went shooting past me in the fast lane, driving at least 20 mph faster than I was, in treacherous conditions.
PERSONAL IMPACT: Thankfully none to me, but I'm sure some more asshats held up traffic in other places cause they couldn't understand the concept of ice and how it impacts a several-ton, nonflexible projectile.
CASE 2: Snow distraction
Snow will cause some morons who aren't paying attention to take things which would normally worry them for granted. Like, for example, looking to make sure they won't hit anyone before they change lanes. Here's a step by step of this one:
STEP 1: KL is driving in the outside lane, going a solid 45 mph, only slightly too fast for conditions.
STEP 2: Asshat pulls up alongside KL, decides to change lanes, fails to notice KL is there.
STEP 3: KL swerves and honks horn.
STEP 4: KL catches shoulder of the road on the right side, causing his car to spin into and across traffic to the left side of the road, where it momentarily rights itself.
STEP 5: Thinking all is well, KL attempts to merge back into traffic, only to have the car's momentum catch up with him and spin him back across traffic into the ditch on the far side, where he strikes a cement culvert, which sounds bad, but really was a good thing, cause if he had missed the culvert by 6 inches on either side, he'd have ended up in a pond.
STEP 6: Asshat drives away unharmed.
To make a long story short, I called 911, waited almost 2 hours for a state trooper, and had to spend the night in Tomah, WI waiting for a tow truck to come pull me out, then finish my trip to Wisconsin Rapids in the morning. So, to bring it back full circle:
"After that, any trip where I leave and get where I'm going in the same day feels short."
It was a long trip.
This has been KL Snow.
It's an all new one act play by KL Snow!
I'm titling this one, which I don't always do, but let's call this one, "So what am I eating now?"
KL SNOW is at IMPERIAL GARDEN enjoying...well, maybe not enjoying...partaking in a Chinese buffet. He's seated near the front counter. The phone rings and WAITRESS comes over to answer it. A brief conversation ensues, followed by this moment:
WAITRESS (on phone): No, there's no meat in there, it's just onions and green onions, mixed when brown sauce, and then we mix in the beef.
KL stops chewing for a moment.
I'm pretty sure Ryan will agree with me in calling that a "If it weren't for my horse" moment.
Anyway, back to recent happenings. Finals came and went, nothing tremendously noteworthy occured, we're hoping for passing grades in all 6 classes, at least 2 of which are still in doubt. But it's too close to call. So we're not going to talk about that. I just ate.
Worked through the weekend and then, Monday morning I departed for Wisconsin for Christmas. Someone told me the other day that my drive back to Wisconsin (5-6 hours depending on traffic and my own personal sense of urgency) is too long, and I gave them my standard response:
"This summer I drove 1400 miles to Montana, and back, in the same week. After that, any trip where I leave and get where I'm going in the same day feels short."
I hate it when lines like that come back to bite me in the ass.
It snowed in Wisconsin on Monday. A lot. That really probably shouldn't surprise most of you. Actually, it didn't surprise me a whole lot either. I've been driving in snow for a long time, I'm pretty confident in my ability to do it. I am not nearly as confident, however, in the talents of other asshats who think they can drive in the snow.
CASE 1: Semis have no fear.
As a full time Wisconsin resident, I used to hunt a fair amount, primarily for deer. At the risk of grossing some out, I will give you a base understanding of how the process of removing a dead deer from the woods works.
STEP 1: Shoot deer. Sometimes more than once. If you don't do this right, the rest of the process is much harder.
STEP 2: Find deer, remove guts. Leave gut pile in woods. I'm sure something will eat it...not something I'd ever want to encounter/kiss though.
STEP 3: Find a friend (hopefully), enlist help in dragging dead deer to a vehicle of some form, preferably not a bicycle. Dragging a dead deer will sometimes cause you to leave a trail of blood behind you. It won't draw sharks, don't worry about it.
Anyway, now that you understand the process, here's the point. I used to wonder how other deer could walk through the same place, see a pile of entrails and trail of blood, and not think "this probably isn't a safe place." Semis in the snow operate on the same concept. On I-90, I drove past a semi which was jacknifed, tipped over on its side, and had its trailer bent in half. It's probably the most vehicular carnage I've ever seen in person. Not 30 seconds after driving past this, a semi went shooting past me in the fast lane, driving at least 20 mph faster than I was, in treacherous conditions.
PERSONAL IMPACT: Thankfully none to me, but I'm sure some more asshats held up traffic in other places cause they couldn't understand the concept of ice and how it impacts a several-ton, nonflexible projectile.
CASE 2: Snow distraction
Snow will cause some morons who aren't paying attention to take things which would normally worry them for granted. Like, for example, looking to make sure they won't hit anyone before they change lanes. Here's a step by step of this one:
STEP 1: KL is driving in the outside lane, going a solid 45 mph, only slightly too fast for conditions.
STEP 2: Asshat pulls up alongside KL, decides to change lanes, fails to notice KL is there.
STEP 3: KL swerves and honks horn.
STEP 4: KL catches shoulder of the road on the right side, causing his car to spin into and across traffic to the left side of the road, where it momentarily rights itself.
STEP 5: Thinking all is well, KL attempts to merge back into traffic, only to have the car's momentum catch up with him and spin him back across traffic into the ditch on the far side, where he strikes a cement culvert, which sounds bad, but really was a good thing, cause if he had missed the culvert by 6 inches on either side, he'd have ended up in a pond.
STEP 6: Asshat drives away unharmed.
To make a long story short, I called 911, waited almost 2 hours for a state trooper, and had to spend the night in Tomah, WI waiting for a tow truck to come pull me out, then finish my trip to Wisconsin Rapids in the morning. So, to bring it back full circle:
"After that, any trip where I leave and get where I'm going in the same day feels short."
It was a long trip.
This has been KL Snow.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
The Sandwich Saga, Part 2
My ham sandwich, however, would not be a true superbeing if it did not search for enemies, find none, but have its followers find enemies for it anyway.
I've found fried chicken. You see, I ate fried chicken once and got violently ill. I've never really fully recovered. So it must in fact be the chicken that is evil.
Thank you, oh ham sandwich, for protecting me from the temptation of the fried chicken. I know it will be hard, but I also know you'll be there with me, because you're still several legs of evolution away from being able to climb out of my pocket.
My ham sandwich, however, would not be a true superbeing if it did not search for enemies, find none, but have its followers find enemies for it anyway.
I've found fried chicken. You see, I ate fried chicken once and got violently ill. I've never really fully recovered. So it must in fact be the chicken that is evil.
Thank you, oh ham sandwich, for protecting me from the temptation of the fried chicken. I know it will be hard, but I also know you'll be there with me, because you're still several legs of evolution away from being able to climb out of my pocket.
The Sandwich Saga, Part 1:
In the absence of a God to handle all my cares, worries and concerns, I've decided to make a ham sandwich. That ham sandwich can be my personal scapegoat:
"It didn't work out because it wasn't the ham sandwich's will."
An empowerment:
"I felt weak, but then I realized the ham sandiwich was with me."
And my comfort:
"The ham sandwich will make it all work out."
It's a very liberating ham sandwich. And I'll go to war with you if you question it.
In the absence of a God to handle all my cares, worries and concerns, I've decided to make a ham sandwich. That ham sandwich can be my personal scapegoat:
"It didn't work out because it wasn't the ham sandwich's will."
An empowerment:
"I felt weak, but then I realized the ham sandiwich was with me."
And my comfort:
"The ham sandwich will make it all work out."
It's a very liberating ham sandwich. And I'll go to war with you if you question it.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Ok, my friend Matt over at I Eat Paint (http://www.ieatpaint.com) had a really great idea recently, so without further ado, I'm going to rip it off. Here's what people around the internet are saying about Kyle:
Kyle is one of the forty-two camps north of Seoul authorized
Hardship Duty Pay of $150 per month as of 01 January 2001.
Kyle is now 39 inches tall and weighs 37 pounds.
Kyle is a fighter!
Kyle is fighting his hemorrhoid.
Kyle is 8 now and has grown into a warm and wonderful, sensitive boy.
Kyle is so special that Dennis Eckersley of the Oakland A's came to visit him
in his hospital room at All Childrens Hospital.
Kyle is leaving the position of undersecretary, and Linda
Cabatic is leaving the position of chief counsel.
Kyle is playing a B-movie actor who appears in the film Denham is shooting
on Skull Island.
Kyle is definately an under rated performer.
Kyle is popular and athletic, but he also seems to bear the scars
of his parents’ broken marriage.
And finally...
Mr. Kyle is responsible for leading a talented team of software and hardware engineers.
Yes, I know. But the Mr. was quite unnecessary.
This has been KL Snow.
Kyle is one of the forty-two camps north of Seoul authorized
Hardship Duty Pay of $150 per month as of 01 January 2001.
Kyle is now 39 inches tall and weighs 37 pounds.
Kyle is a fighter!
Kyle is fighting his hemorrhoid.
Kyle is 8 now and has grown into a warm and wonderful, sensitive boy.
Kyle is so special that Dennis Eckersley of the Oakland A's came to visit him
in his hospital room at All Childrens Hospital.
Kyle is leaving the position of undersecretary, and Linda
Cabatic is leaving the position of chief counsel.
Kyle is playing a B-movie actor who appears in the film Denham is shooting
on Skull Island.
Kyle is definately an under rated performer.
Kyle is popular and athletic, but he also seems to bear the scars
of his parents’ broken marriage.
And finally...
Mr. Kyle is responsible for leading a talented team of software and hardware engineers.
Yes, I know. But the Mr. was quite unnecessary.
This has been KL Snow.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Ok, quick thought before I go back to blowing a whole Saturday on the new Turtles game:
All new one act play by KL Snow!
KL gets up from playing Turtles and goes over to his computer to talk to Ryan. This message from Ryan awaits him:
"hehehe I found this thing online, it rates how good or evil a website is. Mine's 31% evil and 69% good, yours is 28% evil and 72% good, here's the site, you can actually put a little things that says, "this site is certified 28% EVIL" it's kinda neat... http://homokaasu.org/gematriculator/
The following conversation ensued, between TheEvilKL (KL), and lilrichysspanky (Ryan)
TheEvilKL: So, it would appear, that while my post about W's tremendous free time after the election was premature, but it was also on the side of god, earning me 9975 good points.
LilRichysSpanky: lol
LilRichysSpanky: the thing that earned me some of the most points on my site was "Click the Sunset"
TheEvilKL: Although "Duuuuude, have you ever gotten a goldfish stoned?" was worth 4858 points.
LilRichysSpanky: must be the u's
TheEvilKL: "KL stares blankly" is also a holy phrase.
LilRichysSpanky: hmm
LilRichysSpanky: I was surprised at how good our pages our
TheEvilKL: "Donkey Konga is the worst video game I've ever played" - 4504 evil points.
LilRichysSpanky: indeed
LilRichysSpanky: (Link: http://www.lycos.com)www.lycos.com is 60% evi
LilRichysSpanky: l
TheEvilKL: Sadly, a later line in the same post: "You'd sell your girlfriend for those coins" - 3430 good points.
LilRichysSpanky: did you read about how they determine good from evi?
TheEvilKL: A little
LilRichysSpanky: yeah I skimmed it, just saw that words starting with nouns are good...
TheEvilKL: It's just funny that "Consume shit, then die," would be a holy phrase by that angle, all words starting with consonants.
LilRichysSpanky: along with "Me Hate God"
TheEvilKL: So yeah, I'm not buying this.
TheEvilKL: unless....
LilRichysSpanky: lol, but if your site were overwhelmingly evil you'd put it on there, as would I
TheEvilKL: LOL....and I have a use for it.
TheEvilKL: Georgewbush.com is 53% evil.
LilRichysSpanky: somehow I knew that was coming
TheEvilKL: JohnKerry.com, only 18%. So once again, the Americans have failed to choose the lesser of two evils.
And on that, going back to Turtles.
This has been KL Snow.
All new one act play by KL Snow!
KL gets up from playing Turtles and goes over to his computer to talk to Ryan. This message from Ryan awaits him:
"hehehe I found this thing online, it rates how good or evil a website is. Mine's 31% evil and 69% good, yours is 28% evil and 72% good, here's the site, you can actually put a little things that says, "this site is certified 28% EVIL" it's kinda neat... http://homokaasu.org/gematriculator/
The following conversation ensued, between TheEvilKL (KL), and lilrichysspanky (Ryan)
TheEvilKL: So, it would appear, that while my post about W's tremendous free time after the election was premature, but it was also on the side of god, earning me 9975 good points.
LilRichysSpanky: lol
LilRichysSpanky: the thing that earned me some of the most points on my site was "Click the Sunset"
TheEvilKL: Although "Duuuuude, have you ever gotten a goldfish stoned?" was worth 4858 points.
LilRichysSpanky: must be the u's
TheEvilKL: "KL stares blankly" is also a holy phrase.
LilRichysSpanky: hmm
LilRichysSpanky: I was surprised at how good our pages our
TheEvilKL: "Donkey Konga is the worst video game I've ever played" - 4504 evil points.
LilRichysSpanky: indeed
LilRichysSpanky: (Link: http://www.lycos.com)www.lycos.com is 60% evi
LilRichysSpanky: l
TheEvilKL: Sadly, a later line in the same post: "You'd sell your girlfriend for those coins" - 3430 good points.
LilRichysSpanky: did you read about how they determine good from evi?
TheEvilKL: A little
LilRichysSpanky: yeah I skimmed it, just saw that words starting with nouns are good...
TheEvilKL: It's just funny that "Consume shit, then die," would be a holy phrase by that angle, all words starting with consonants.
LilRichysSpanky: along with "Me Hate God"
TheEvilKL: So yeah, I'm not buying this.
TheEvilKL: unless....
LilRichysSpanky: lol, but if your site were overwhelmingly evil you'd put it on there, as would I
TheEvilKL: LOL....and I have a use for it.
TheEvilKL: Georgewbush.com is 53% evil.
LilRichysSpanky: somehow I knew that was coming
TheEvilKL: JohnKerry.com, only 18%. So once again, the Americans have failed to choose the lesser of two evils.
And on that, going back to Turtles.
This has been KL Snow.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Here's a fun new game:
Decide what W should do with the tremendous amounts of time he's going to have on his hands after January.
Here's my best ones so far:
Play Stefano on Days of Our Lives. The role is open.
Become the dumbest Bond Villain EVER.
Generate enough money to permanently fix world hunger. And give it to Haliburton.
Those are the best ones so far. Got anything better?
Decide what W should do with the tremendous amounts of time he's going to have on his hands after January.
Here's my best ones so far:
Play Stefano on Days of Our Lives. The role is open.
Become the dumbest Bond Villain EVER.
Generate enough money to permanently fix world hunger. And give it to Haliburton.
Those are the best ones so far. Got anything better?
Friday, October 22, 2004
Ok, I need to be working on a paper right now. I'm seriously way far away from being done with a paper that was already due a while ago.
But I'm writers' blocked, so it's time to write something goofy!
So here it is, the much awaited Series of One Act Plays by KL Snow, The Walmart Collection!
The first few plays all happened today and are funny in a "wow, you're dumb" sort of way. The last one is an incredible tale of stupidity, anger and vengeance, and if I live forever, I could still tell this story every day and love telling it.
Play 1: The Express Lane
KL is cashiering the express lane. IDIOT WOMAN walks up with a full cart of stuff.
KL: You realize this is the 20 items or less express lane, right?
IDIOT WOMAN (with 67 items): Yep.
About 5-10 customers later:
Play 2:
KL is still cashiering. STONERS walk up, carrying a bag of goldfish.
STONER 1: Duuuude, have you ever gotten a goldfish stoned?
Play 3:
KL is still cashiering. AMISH people enter the photo studio. MORONS come up to my register, carrying Halloween costumes.
MORON 1: Hey, check out the Amish woman! I should be an Amish woman for Halloween?
MORON 2: I wonder where she got her costume?
MORON 1 goes and asks her.
Play 4: (Multiple acts):
ACT 1
This one starts almost 2 months ago. KL has been invited to a meeting and is being offered a job by Primerica. KARL offered KL the job, and is standing with KL and 2 other POOR SUCKERS. MAJOR PRICK J.P. is lurking.
KARL: So KL, you go to Drake. What're you studying?
KL: Radio/TV Production
KARL: That's cool. We've got a guy here that used to work in radio. Hey J.P.!
MAJOR PRICK J.P. enters.
Moments pass.
J.P.: Yeah, I used to work in radio. I worked for an all-sports station in Cedar Rapids. During baseball season 2 years ago I got bored, so I asked a baseball player on the air if he'd ever fart in a catcher's face and I got canned.
KL stares blankly.
J.P.: What do you think? Would you do that?
KL takes a deep breath and starts to turn red.
KARL: I think we'd better be going.
KL lets the deep breath out.
Here's what I wanted to say, before Karl stopped me.
You fucking prick. I could take you back to Drake and introduce you to 10 people who would kill to have the job you fucked away, and any one of them would be embarassed to admit they'd met you later. If I had done what you've done, I'd be looking for a new line of work too, cause I'd be embarassed to show my face to a radio person ever again.
Weeks passed. I got hired by the Kerry campaign and turned down the job with Primerica, but kept working at Wal Mart on weekends so I'll still have a job after the campaign. Weeks passed and I wasn't thinking about what J.P. said and falling into rage quite as often. Then, one day:
Act 2:
KL is cashiering, of course. TOTAL PRICK J.P. comes into his line. KL decides to let it go and hope he doesn't get recognized.
J.P. comes to the front of the line. KL quietly bags his groceries. J.P. takes a close look at KL. There's a good sized line of people behind him, within earshot.
J.P.: Heeeeey...I know you! You came to the meeting at Primerica! Why didn't you come back?
KL takes a deep breath, but can't hold it in.
KL: I'd be embarassed to admit to anyone that I work for a prick like you.
J.P. turns pale.
I love that story.
Vengeance concludes, I've gotta go back to work now.
This has been KL Snow.
But I'm writers' blocked, so it's time to write something goofy!
So here it is, the much awaited Series of One Act Plays by KL Snow, The Walmart Collection!
The first few plays all happened today and are funny in a "wow, you're dumb" sort of way. The last one is an incredible tale of stupidity, anger and vengeance, and if I live forever, I could still tell this story every day and love telling it.
Play 1: The Express Lane
KL is cashiering the express lane. IDIOT WOMAN walks up with a full cart of stuff.
KL: You realize this is the 20 items or less express lane, right?
IDIOT WOMAN (with 67 items): Yep.
About 5-10 customers later:
Play 2:
KL is still cashiering. STONERS walk up, carrying a bag of goldfish.
STONER 1: Duuuude, have you ever gotten a goldfish stoned?
Play 3:
KL is still cashiering. AMISH people enter the photo studio. MORONS come up to my register, carrying Halloween costumes.
MORON 1: Hey, check out the Amish woman! I should be an Amish woman for Halloween?
MORON 2: I wonder where she got her costume?
MORON 1 goes and asks her.
Play 4: (Multiple acts):
ACT 1
This one starts almost 2 months ago. KL has been invited to a meeting and is being offered a job by Primerica. KARL offered KL the job, and is standing with KL and 2 other POOR SUCKERS. MAJOR PRICK J.P. is lurking.
KARL: So KL, you go to Drake. What're you studying?
KL: Radio/TV Production
KARL: That's cool. We've got a guy here that used to work in radio. Hey J.P.!
MAJOR PRICK J.P. enters.
Moments pass.
J.P.: Yeah, I used to work in radio. I worked for an all-sports station in Cedar Rapids. During baseball season 2 years ago I got bored, so I asked a baseball player on the air if he'd ever fart in a catcher's face and I got canned.
KL stares blankly.
J.P.: What do you think? Would you do that?
KL takes a deep breath and starts to turn red.
KARL: I think we'd better be going.
KL lets the deep breath out.
Here's what I wanted to say, before Karl stopped me.
You fucking prick. I could take you back to Drake and introduce you to 10 people who would kill to have the job you fucked away, and any one of them would be embarassed to admit they'd met you later. If I had done what you've done, I'd be looking for a new line of work too, cause I'd be embarassed to show my face to a radio person ever again.
Weeks passed. I got hired by the Kerry campaign and turned down the job with Primerica, but kept working at Wal Mart on weekends so I'll still have a job after the campaign. Weeks passed and I wasn't thinking about what J.P. said and falling into rage quite as often. Then, one day:
Act 2:
KL is cashiering, of course. TOTAL PRICK J.P. comes into his line. KL decides to let it go and hope he doesn't get recognized.
J.P. comes to the front of the line. KL quietly bags his groceries. J.P. takes a close look at KL. There's a good sized line of people behind him, within earshot.
J.P.: Heeeeey...I know you! You came to the meeting at Primerica! Why didn't you come back?
KL takes a deep breath, but can't hold it in.
KL: I'd be embarassed to admit to anyone that I work for a prick like you.
J.P. turns pale.
I love that story.
Vengeance concludes, I've gotta go back to work now.
This has been KL Snow.
Friday, October 08, 2004
I think it's a pretty funny day today. So, without introduction, let's get right to it.
Woke up at like 7. Then again at 10 when Laura's alarm went off, then again at 10:40 or so. Laura was gone working out, so I got up, wandered out to my computer, and started working on the paper that was due at 4. Nothing noteworthy there.
In mid-paper, Laura came home and we ordered pizza. We tried that new Domino's Double Melt pizza, cause I really had to try a pizza with creative use of cheese one last time before they run out of places to put the cheese. It really wasn't that good, which really shouldn't have surprised me that much. The first half of this day went that way.
Anyway, finished pizza, finished paper, and it was time for a victory tour. I turned in the paper, went and picked up my paycheck, went comic book shopping (got a new Tales of the TMNT and found a collection of Teen Titans, if anyone cares), and set about to purchase a new video game. Bear in mind, I almost never buy video games new...I wait until people start to call them a classic and then I buy them used, about 9-10 months late. Today, however, I had my heart set on trying out a new concept.
I read Penny Arcade pretty much everyday, which is maybe a little weird coming from me, as it's a comic mainly about newly released games and, as mentioned above, I don't buy new games. After reading Tycho's review of Donkey Konga, however, I decided that was just goofy enough that I needed to try it. The concept is this: Songs play, and you have a pair of bongos in front of you. You drum along to the music with either the left bongo, the right bongo, both, or a clap. I quickly discovered that a clap could be replaced by smacking the side of a drum. The makers of this game are fortunate that this is the only violence in this story.
Donkey Konga is the worst video game I've ever played. It's tremendously simple in nature, which made it quickly enjoyable. You play songs well and get coins, and that was decently motivating, as you can buy alternate sounds for your bongos, extra levels, and mini games with those coins. For a little while, you need those coins. You'd sell your girlfriend for those coins. Or maybe only I would. But anyway.
It gets tedious WAY fast. There's maybe 4-5 songs in the game I liked...two I really liked, Whip It and The Impression That I Get. (It doesn't pay to mention the original bands for those songs here...all the songs are covered. Some of the covers are awful.) After that, you're forced to sift through the crap. There's a challenge mode where it randomly picks songs for you. Regardless of how much music you like, there's absolutely no chance it'll get through 3 songs without picking something out that'll make you wish you hadn't ever turned on your Gamecube. Finally, I played a song called "Diddy's Ditties," some messed up hybrid between Happy Birthday and Row Row Row Your Goddamn Boat. I beat it, on the first try, as a matter of fact I never once lost a level. Then I went and checked my coin balance. I had about half of what I needed to unlock a mini game. I went and checked the next level. It was Bingo. You know Bingo, the song about the dog that needs its name spelled over and over. The minigame wasn't worth chasing anymore. I turned off the Cube.
I think the developers knew the concept would get stale when they made the game. They added different bongos to use, and different bongos make different sounds. I unlocked the old school NES sounds, and the Quiz Show sounds, but when you're bored enough that you're using bongos that sound like Quiz Show buzzers to drum to the eternally long version of On The Road Again, you know you could've spent your $80 better buying fingernail clippers for the homeless.
I bought the game at Target at 3:30. By 5, it was back in the box. After a couple of other stops, at 6 I sold it to Gamers in West Des Moines....well, more truthfully, I traded it for Zelda: Four Swords and a down payment on the new Turtles game that'll come out sometime in the next two weeks. I lost about $25 in the process. I also had a couple of rather funny exchanges at the video game store, so, without further ado, back to back one act plays!
KL carries his HEAP OF CRAP into Gamestop. DUDE is behind the counter. KL drops his boxes on the counter.
KL: How much can you give me for this?
DUDE: Let me check...$27 total.
KL: Really? I just paid $80 for it two hours ago.
DUDE: Yeah, I don't know why our price is so low on this.
KL chuckles.
KL: I know why.
KL carries his HEAP OF CRAP into Gamers, and sets it down on the counter. GAMERS DUDE is behind the counter. OTHER DUDE is shopping.
KL: How much can you give me for this?
GAMERS DUDE: Let me check.
OTHER DUDE: How does that game work? What do you do? Do you just beat on the drums?
KL: Well, yeah, and at first the music is good, but then it starts to suck and before you know it you're trying to unlock minigames by drumming to Row Row Row Your Boat and thinking if anyone else walks into the apartment you'll never ever live it down. You realize your options are to resell it or dig a really deep dark hole it'll never get out of. I live on the second floor. So I had to resell it.
GAMERS DUDE: I can give you $30 for the game and $17 for the controller.
KL: I'll be happy just to have it out of my hands.
OTHER DUDE: Is it really that bad?
KL: I have an aversion to blood. That's the only thing keeping me from chasing down the game's developer with a pickaxe.
KL spots a bowling pin behind the counter.
KL: Can I borrow that?
Not a whole lot of noteworthy material would follow, so we'll wrap it up here.
Venting concludes. This has been KL Snow.
Woke up at like 7. Then again at 10 when Laura's alarm went off, then again at 10:40 or so. Laura was gone working out, so I got up, wandered out to my computer, and started working on the paper that was due at 4. Nothing noteworthy there.
In mid-paper, Laura came home and we ordered pizza. We tried that new Domino's Double Melt pizza, cause I really had to try a pizza with creative use of cheese one last time before they run out of places to put the cheese. It really wasn't that good, which really shouldn't have surprised me that much. The first half of this day went that way.
Anyway, finished pizza, finished paper, and it was time for a victory tour. I turned in the paper, went and picked up my paycheck, went comic book shopping (got a new Tales of the TMNT and found a collection of Teen Titans, if anyone cares), and set about to purchase a new video game. Bear in mind, I almost never buy video games new...I wait until people start to call them a classic and then I buy them used, about 9-10 months late. Today, however, I had my heart set on trying out a new concept.
I read Penny Arcade pretty much everyday, which is maybe a little weird coming from me, as it's a comic mainly about newly released games and, as mentioned above, I don't buy new games. After reading Tycho's review of Donkey Konga, however, I decided that was just goofy enough that I needed to try it. The concept is this: Songs play, and you have a pair of bongos in front of you. You drum along to the music with either the left bongo, the right bongo, both, or a clap. I quickly discovered that a clap could be replaced by smacking the side of a drum. The makers of this game are fortunate that this is the only violence in this story.
Donkey Konga is the worst video game I've ever played. It's tremendously simple in nature, which made it quickly enjoyable. You play songs well and get coins, and that was decently motivating, as you can buy alternate sounds for your bongos, extra levels, and mini games with those coins. For a little while, you need those coins. You'd sell your girlfriend for those coins. Or maybe only I would. But anyway.
It gets tedious WAY fast. There's maybe 4-5 songs in the game I liked...two I really liked, Whip It and The Impression That I Get. (It doesn't pay to mention the original bands for those songs here...all the songs are covered. Some of the covers are awful.) After that, you're forced to sift through the crap. There's a challenge mode where it randomly picks songs for you. Regardless of how much music you like, there's absolutely no chance it'll get through 3 songs without picking something out that'll make you wish you hadn't ever turned on your Gamecube. Finally, I played a song called "Diddy's Ditties," some messed up hybrid between Happy Birthday and Row Row Row Your Goddamn Boat. I beat it, on the first try, as a matter of fact I never once lost a level. Then I went and checked my coin balance. I had about half of what I needed to unlock a mini game. I went and checked the next level. It was Bingo. You know Bingo, the song about the dog that needs its name spelled over and over. The minigame wasn't worth chasing anymore. I turned off the Cube.
I think the developers knew the concept would get stale when they made the game. They added different bongos to use, and different bongos make different sounds. I unlocked the old school NES sounds, and the Quiz Show sounds, but when you're bored enough that you're using bongos that sound like Quiz Show buzzers to drum to the eternally long version of On The Road Again, you know you could've spent your $80 better buying fingernail clippers for the homeless.
I bought the game at Target at 3:30. By 5, it was back in the box. After a couple of other stops, at 6 I sold it to Gamers in West Des Moines....well, more truthfully, I traded it for Zelda: Four Swords and a down payment on the new Turtles game that'll come out sometime in the next two weeks. I lost about $25 in the process. I also had a couple of rather funny exchanges at the video game store, so, without further ado, back to back one act plays!
KL carries his HEAP OF CRAP into Gamestop. DUDE is behind the counter. KL drops his boxes on the counter.
KL: How much can you give me for this?
DUDE: Let me check...$27 total.
KL: Really? I just paid $80 for it two hours ago.
DUDE: Yeah, I don't know why our price is so low on this.
KL chuckles.
KL: I know why.
KL carries his HEAP OF CRAP into Gamers, and sets it down on the counter. GAMERS DUDE is behind the counter. OTHER DUDE is shopping.
KL: How much can you give me for this?
GAMERS DUDE: Let me check.
OTHER DUDE: How does that game work? What do you do? Do you just beat on the drums?
KL: Well, yeah, and at first the music is good, but then it starts to suck and before you know it you're trying to unlock minigames by drumming to Row Row Row Your Boat and thinking if anyone else walks into the apartment you'll never ever live it down. You realize your options are to resell it or dig a really deep dark hole it'll never get out of. I live on the second floor. So I had to resell it.
GAMERS DUDE: I can give you $30 for the game and $17 for the controller.
KL: I'll be happy just to have it out of my hands.
OTHER DUDE: Is it really that bad?
KL: I have an aversion to blood. That's the only thing keeping me from chasing down the game's developer with a pickaxe.
KL spots a bowling pin behind the counter.
KL: Can I borrow that?
Not a whole lot of noteworthy material would follow, so we'll wrap it up here.
Venting concludes. This has been KL Snow.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Ok, got 29 minutes before class, but there hasn't been a blog post in a long time, and most of you who will read this already know why, but in case you don't, here's a quick reason: There are only 24 hours in a day, too few to maintain a job on a presidential campaign, a weekend job, 18 credit hours of school, and addictions to Turtles and Pirates.
Anyway, today's thought.
This is gonna repeat with my AIM away message, but bear with me anyway. Laura got up this morning at 4:30 to go feed the homeless breakfast. Our conversation about it last night went something like this:
LAURA: I've gotta get up early tomorrow.
KL: Why?
LAURA: I'm going to go feed the homeless for the Salvation Army.
KL: How early?
LAURA: Probably around 4:30. I've gotta be there by 5.
KL: Why do they need to eat so early? What else do they have to do?
LAURA: Well, I need to go, cause if I don't, no one will and they won't get fed.
So there's still a blank question in there. Why do they need to eat so early? Do they have a big day planned and want to eat first? It really makes no sense to me. I ate breakfast at 10:30 this morning...if I can do that, certainly the homeless can let their charitable helpers sleep another hour or two and eat at 8:30.
But Laura got up and left this morning (I was shocked too) and I couldn't get back to sleep. After about 15 minutes Pirates beckoned me and I did the zombie walk out to my computer, sat down, and clicked on Pirates. It wouldn't open. I checked my AIM list to see if anyone else was having this problem. My AIM had disconnected too. Matter of fact, all my connections were gone. I'd like to take this opportunity to throw a shout out to Mediacom. Even when I want to do something at the strangest possible time, you found a way to keep me from getting what I wanted out of your "unlimited" service. Cause it's "unlimited" internet. Except when it's down.
Ok, I've got like 4 more minutes before I've gotta go and I haven't tried to be funny yet. So here goes. Here are...for the first time ever in print....jokes that tanked in my public speaking class speech!
1 minute background: The author I was speaking about had just found out his college wrestling program, which had paid his way through college and earned him four varsity letters, had been cut. Now, the awful jokes.
1. David Fleming paid his way through college at Miami of Ohio by wrestling...no, not the kind with the steel chairs and Hulk Hogan, the amateur kind.
2. In this article my author is angry. But he's not angry because he was left off the third season of Celebrity Poker on Bravo, he's angry because his program was cut.
Can you believe no one laughed? Yeah, me too.
Pathetic humor concludes. This has been KL Snow.
Anyway, today's thought.
This is gonna repeat with my AIM away message, but bear with me anyway. Laura got up this morning at 4:30 to go feed the homeless breakfast. Our conversation about it last night went something like this:
LAURA: I've gotta get up early tomorrow.
KL: Why?
LAURA: I'm going to go feed the homeless for the Salvation Army.
KL: How early?
LAURA: Probably around 4:30. I've gotta be there by 5.
KL: Why do they need to eat so early? What else do they have to do?
LAURA: Well, I need to go, cause if I don't, no one will and they won't get fed.
So there's still a blank question in there. Why do they need to eat so early? Do they have a big day planned and want to eat first? It really makes no sense to me. I ate breakfast at 10:30 this morning...if I can do that, certainly the homeless can let their charitable helpers sleep another hour or two and eat at 8:30.
But Laura got up and left this morning (I was shocked too) and I couldn't get back to sleep. After about 15 minutes Pirates beckoned me and I did the zombie walk out to my computer, sat down, and clicked on Pirates. It wouldn't open. I checked my AIM list to see if anyone else was having this problem. My AIM had disconnected too. Matter of fact, all my connections were gone. I'd like to take this opportunity to throw a shout out to Mediacom. Even when I want to do something at the strangest possible time, you found a way to keep me from getting what I wanted out of your "unlimited" service. Cause it's "unlimited" internet. Except when it's down.
Ok, I've got like 4 more minutes before I've gotta go and I haven't tried to be funny yet. So here goes. Here are...for the first time ever in print....jokes that tanked in my public speaking class speech!
1 minute background: The author I was speaking about had just found out his college wrestling program, which had paid his way through college and earned him four varsity letters, had been cut. Now, the awful jokes.
1. David Fleming paid his way through college at Miami of Ohio by wrestling...no, not the kind with the steel chairs and Hulk Hogan, the amateur kind.
2. In this article my author is angry. But he's not angry because he was left off the third season of Celebrity Poker on Bravo, he's angry because his program was cut.
Can you believe no one laughed? Yeah, me too.
Pathetic humor concludes. This has been KL Snow.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Ok, so I promised before that perhaps I'd be back later with more, and sure enough, here I am. So what's new you ask? C'mon, you know you were gonna ask...ok, well, pretend like you were gonna ask...
Ok, I'm gonna get the darkest thought out of the way so hopefully I can get past it and move on to something funnier. I thought of how I'd commit suicide tonight. I offered (mistake #1) to take Laura out to the new mall here in Des Moines tonight, it's out in Waukee on the border between the urban area that is Des Moines and the bare nothingness that stretches from here to the Omaha area. The new mall is hell. There's one crappy video game store, and a Hot Topic, which exists at both of the other malls in Des Moines. Then there's an Express, an Aeropostale, a Fossil, an Abercrombie, a Buckle and every other goddamn hellhole Laura routinely is drawn to. There's not a Gap, miraculously. But there's absolutely NOTHING I found of even moderate interest and couldn't have found at a mall closer to home.
Anyway, back to the earlier point. If I ever decide it's time to give up and end things, I'm gonna go gather a big pile of clothes at the Buckle. Then I'm gonna get myself a changing room and hang myself in there. I'm gonna leave a note that says "Your goddamn pink tinted lighting made me do it." I'm serious. The pink tinted lighting in the Gap, and Express, and the Buckle depresses me in ways I had previously thought would only be possible if someone died. I still feel out of sorts.
But on to brighter things. If you knew my plans for the new apartment, here's what's different:
I painted one room (the bedroom) instead of 4, and continue to debate Laura to keep the remaining rooms unpainted, mainly cause painting is a pain, and also because everything we paint now has to be painted back before we leave.
We're mostly moved in, had an extended debate over the proper position of my desk, but the move in went mainly without conflict...it's just a lot of work, and we're not quite done yet...we're still looking for a couch and a dresser, Goodwill failed us utterly tonight (wanting $99.99 for an old beat up dresser is absurd) .
I'll leave you with something funny. Laura and I's 8-month anniversary is tomorrow, and there weren't going to be gifts, but Laura and I found a t-shirt I had to have at the mall...it's a baseball-style t-shirt with the long dark sleeves on a white t-shirt, and it says "Have you seen my weiner?" and has a picture of a weiner dog on it. :-) Weiner dogs rock.
Please don't expose me to any more pink lighting.
This has been KL Snow.
Ok, I'm gonna get the darkest thought out of the way so hopefully I can get past it and move on to something funnier. I thought of how I'd commit suicide tonight. I offered (mistake #1) to take Laura out to the new mall here in Des Moines tonight, it's out in Waukee on the border between the urban area that is Des Moines and the bare nothingness that stretches from here to the Omaha area. The new mall is hell. There's one crappy video game store, and a Hot Topic, which exists at both of the other malls in Des Moines. Then there's an Express, an Aeropostale, a Fossil, an Abercrombie, a Buckle and every other goddamn hellhole Laura routinely is drawn to. There's not a Gap, miraculously. But there's absolutely NOTHING I found of even moderate interest and couldn't have found at a mall closer to home.
Anyway, back to the earlier point. If I ever decide it's time to give up and end things, I'm gonna go gather a big pile of clothes at the Buckle. Then I'm gonna get myself a changing room and hang myself in there. I'm gonna leave a note that says "Your goddamn pink tinted lighting made me do it." I'm serious. The pink tinted lighting in the Gap, and Express, and the Buckle depresses me in ways I had previously thought would only be possible if someone died. I still feel out of sorts.
But on to brighter things. If you knew my plans for the new apartment, here's what's different:
I painted one room (the bedroom) instead of 4, and continue to debate Laura to keep the remaining rooms unpainted, mainly cause painting is a pain, and also because everything we paint now has to be painted back before we leave.
We're mostly moved in, had an extended debate over the proper position of my desk, but the move in went mainly without conflict...it's just a lot of work, and we're not quite done yet...we're still looking for a couch and a dresser, Goodwill failed us utterly tonight (wanting $99.99 for an old beat up dresser is absurd) .
I'll leave you with something funny. Laura and I's 8-month anniversary is tomorrow, and there weren't going to be gifts, but Laura and I found a t-shirt I had to have at the mall...it's a baseball-style t-shirt with the long dark sleeves on a white t-shirt, and it says "Have you seen my weiner?" and has a picture of a weiner dog on it. :-) Weiner dogs rock.
Please don't expose me to any more pink lighting.
This has been KL Snow.
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