Ok, it's been a while, maybe I'll be back for more later, but now it's time for

AN ALL NEW ONE ACT PLAY BY KL SNOW!

KL and LAURA are in their apartment. LAURA is complaining about her closet space. Almost half her closet is occupied by shoes.

LAURA: But I like shoes!
KL: And I like comic books. But the day comic books take up half my closet, a decision will have to be made.
LAURA: But you can't wear comic books.
KL: And you can't read shoes.
LAURA: Touche.

Humor concludes. This has been KL Snow.

OK, this is the last post from Wisconsin for what will probably be a long time. But do I ever have stories to tell...well, anecdotes, really. Here's the first one, an all new One Act Play!

This one takes place on the same set as a previous one act play, with KL at his computer having a conversation with ROBIN (scoobydrlp). The conversation goes as follows:

TheEvilKL: Six days from today Laura and I will be together again...
scoobydrlp: woohoo!
TheEvilKL: I just need to make it six more days...
scoobydrlp: you can do it
scoobydrlp: here, I got a joke for ya that will help you last for 6 more days
scoobydrlp: A bear and a rabbit go into the woods to take a shit.
scoobydrlp: the bear says to the rabbit, "Hey rabbit, do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
TheEvilKL: LOL....where were they before? An IHOP?
scoobydrlp: lol, lemme finish before I respond to any questions
TheEvilKL: lol, k
scoobydrlp: The rather refined rabbit said, "Well no, no I don't."
TheEvilKL: Is this joke gonna end with the bear using the rabbit to wipe his ass?
scoobydrlp: dammit!
scoobydrlp: I said lemme finish!
scoobydrlp: :D
TheEvilKL: Sorry, I'd heard it. :-)
scoobydrlp: hehe
scoobydrlp: I laughed
TheEvilKL: I do think my first question was the more pertinent one though...if a bear and a rabbit went into the woods, where were they coming from?
scoobydrlp: actually, I thought that same thing as I was typing it to send to you
scoobydrlp: I'm thinking they were probably at walmart.
TheEvilKL: Perhaps. But y'know what else?
scoobydrlp: huh?
TheEvilKL: Michigan Mayhem (CBA) - Named Reggie Fox coach, pending league approval.

Anyway, after that conversation I went to work. My last day at work. So, as was to be expected, I goofed around, a lot. Actually, at one point I felt kinda bad, cause I was given a shiny new pin to put on my vest for the good work I did yesterday while I was in mid-prank on someone else. But anyway, to show they loved me, instead of punishing me for being a total goof on my last day, they gave me a job where I could goof around as much as I wanted. That's right, they made me a greeter.

With that intro, here's Today's Other One Act Play!

(WARNING: This One Act has a very large cast.)
KL is guarding the doors at WAL MART. BOB is the other greeter. KEITH is a stockman. BEE is assistant manager. SHOPLIFTER is...well, duh.

SHOPLIFTER pushes a cart, loaded with stuff, past the cashiers and out the door, past BOB.
BOB yells and turns around to follow SHOPLIFTER.
SHOPLIFTER accelerates and runs out into traffic in the parking lot, where his cart is hit and tipped over by a gray SUV.
BOB, KEITH and BEE catch up with SHOPLIFTER as KL watches from a fair distance, still guarding the doors.
BOB and BEE both stop and try to talk SHOPLIFTER into giving up.
KEITH runs in and tackles SHOPLIFTER, actually lifting him out of his shoes.
KL: Wow, that's hardcore.

Humor concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Ok, here are some more random toys.

PARENTAL

ADVISORY

KL SNOW CONTAINS EXPLICIT LYRICS

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Kyle Lobner may explode without warning

M EXPLOSIVE

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Snowbaseball.com Look out for the

m HOLE

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP KL SNOW\'S BLOG AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com


Actually, that's all I've got!

Randomness concludes. This has been KL Snow.

My brain is...


What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla

At work or in school: I like to be with people, sharing with them, inspiring them, and helping them. I work and learn best when I can take into consideration people and the human element. I flourish in an atmosphere of cooperation.
With friends: I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic, and I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others. I am affectionate, supportive and a good listener.
With family: I like to be happy and loving. I am very sensitive to rejection from my family and to family conflicts. I really like to be well thought of and need frequent reassurance. I love intimate talks and warm feelings.

I think this is a pretty fair assessment for me. What color is your brain?

Ok, to start off with, here's a random thought:

If a tree falls on a florist and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Maybe it's only funny to me. Here's a quick rundown of where I've been, as copied and pasted from the story I told someone else on AIM cause I'm too lazy to write it all again:

on Thursday I went fishing with my dad during the day, then drove to Rapids to pick Laura up, and then drove to Des Moines, getting there slightly after midnight.

Friday we slept in a bit, then went apartment hunting, out to lunch in the suburbs, met Ben to get my apartment keys, went to the cell phone office, went back into town and signed the lease on an apartment, rented a storage unit, went out job hunting for Laura, went job hunting for me, had dinner with Tara and rented Amelie.

Saturday we spent almost 7 hours cleaning my apartment and moving out. It took 3 loads with Laura's van to get all my stuff to the storage unit. I also had to mangle the metal frame of my bed to get it out because it wouldn't come apart (most mangling was preceded by the phrase "Hulk angry"), then I cooked dinner at Laura's apartment, we went to Bourne Supremacy with Tara, and got to bed slightly after midnight again.

Sunday we slept in, went out for brunch, went to the mall so Laura could shop for purses and I could practice my "Frankenstein wastes a minute of our time" impression, went to Tara's apartment to give her her birthday present, went back to Laura's apartment, cleaned up and packed, and drove back to Rapids.

Monday (yesterday) morning I had to leave my dad's by 8 so I could be to work by 10, where I worked until 7. So my ass is worn out.

Actually, after the weekend ended, things didn't get tremendously better...I took it easy after work last night but I was sick overnight again, stupid gall bladder insists on giving me pain even though it's not there anymore. I really want to know what's wrong but I'm scared to go find out, surgery once was enough.

Anyway, there's a fun adventure I missed in my telling of the weekend story, so I'll tell it now. Laura and I went to brunch at Granite City on Sunday, and both of us ate way more than we should, so we weren't hungry until late Sunday night. We decided we would order Papa John's when we got to Rapids...this was someplace in southern Minnesota. Then I remembered, we were talking about Rapids here, not Des Moines, so I wondered if Papa John's would still be open. Here's a step-by-step of the remaining process:

I called Ryan. I'm not sure why, I just thought he should know. And if not, I could use him to look it up. Anyway, Ryan was on the other line with Tara. So I told him about my problem, hung up and waited for him to call me back.

A few minutes later, Tara called. She wasn't Ryan, but I recovered from that surprise long enough to get the phone number for Papa John's.

I called the number Tara gave me. It was disconnected.

I called 411 on my cell phone, and got a man who spoke almost no english. I told him Wisconsin Rapids, WI, and gave him Papa John's, and he told me the nearest Papa John's was in Waukesha. Yes, Waukesha. Farther away than Appleton, La Crosse, Stevens Point, Madison, Oshkosh, Fond Du Lac, Wausau, Marshfield, and about 20 other cities I'm certain must have a Papa John's. 161.3 miles, to be exact. I told him thanks for wasting my time.

I had crossed into Wisconsin in this time, and now I decided to just wait until I was in Rapids and resolve it from there. When we got to Rapids I went to papajohns.com to order online, and found Rapids doesn't have a Papa John's anymore, so I couldn't order.

I went to Wal Mart and bought a frozen pizza.

Frustration concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Ok, greetings and welcome to Appleton, WI, lately there's more blog posts here than anywhere else, it's my blog home away from the blog home that's not really my blog home but it is the place I'm staying since moving out of my blog home in Des Moines.
 
Anyway, nothing tremendously notable has happened recently, so instead of boring you with a day by day look at my boring and repetitive life, I'm going to try to entertain you with a work of short fiction, "The Penny of Doom."
 
The day began like any other. Customers come through, get checked out, customers go away. Sometimes my light is on, sometimes my light is flashing, but there are always customers, ALWAYS. It's Sunday, you see. Customers are on the prowl, customers are lurking, and some customers appear to be shopping for adult diapers, but they're the most dangerous of all, they're looking for a place to crap on the floor, then finishing their day by digging for pennies and making your line stack up to the end of civilization. This particular day, however, there were more sinister forces lurking.
 
You see, most days the saving grace from old people who dig for pennies are the customers behind them. They'd like to finish their shopping on the same day they started, so they frequently dig out their own pennies, slam them on the counter and end the epic search. Not always, however. On this particular day, an elderly woman arrived at the register with the typical elderly woman needs. Twenty seven bottles of vitamins, prescriptions for ailments probably caused by overuse of vitamins, and a giant pack of adult diapers, cause it's hard to control your bladder when you have to take pills with a glass of water 40 times a day.
 
Her total:  $49.03 She stared blankly for a moment. Then, as if remembering for the first tme that money would be involved in this transaction, she put a purse on the counter, the size of a car. After fishing for far too long, a checkbook was captured, and slower than one would think possible, a check was written. I went from cleanshaven to hairy in this time. I checked my watch. It was 3:30. I was supposed to leave at 4. Finally, she wrote me the check, and I thought it was over. Then I looked down at the check. It was for $49.00. "I have the pennies," she said. And then the epic search began. Two pennies quickly surfaced accidentally, as she found them next to the toothbrush and the nose hair trimmer. Then, 15 minutes passed. The purse was empty, and no more pennies had appeared. I looked around, help was not in sight. The customers in line behind the woman, resigned to their fate as potential lifers at Wal Mart, had sat down and opened a box of Pop Tarts, which they were rationing.
 
Some ominous music played, but I thought nothing of it. As quickly as it started, it went away and Paul Simon's You Can Call Me Al began to play. I know all the words to it, and songs like it that play on Wal Mart Radio are sometimes the only thing keeping me sane. So I quietly began to sing along, and right as I hit the part where Chevy Chase would have dropped the glass through the table that's not really a table in the video, a woman dressed in black walked up to my register. "I have a penny," she said in a deep voice I didn't expect. "It's at the deep end of the Dark Labrynith of Purse." With that, she picked up her purse, opened it, and quickly covered my head with it. Everything went black for a second...
 
I snapped back awake to hear a "ziiip" sound. I was in a room with one door. I exited, and found a room with a door. I walked past vampires, bogs and mires, wolfmen, garbage men, pedophiles, the smoking man from the X Files, pyromaniacs, nerds and brainiacs, my deepest fears, Norm from Cheers, heroes and fools, power tools, termites, suburbanites, a man claiming to be from cyberspace, seven men with one face, Frankenstein, Sir Ullrich von Liechtenstein, aliens, Romanians, a giant coffee mug, the guy who invented Weatherbug, a guy who looked wimpy, Ren and Stimpy, seven toasters, half-finished roller coasters, a rack of posters, braggers and boasters, pop stars who couldn't sing, 85 year old men wearing bling, a mother bear missing her cub and 727 copies of The Babysitters' Club."

Finally, I got to another empty room. In it was my car. I knew there was a penny in my car. There had to be a penny in my car. I reached into my pocket to find my keys. And I found...a penny.

Story concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Ok, so it's been a tremendously busy week, and it's not going to get any quieter for a few days. Here's a recent schedule:

Wednesday: Work until 6:30 (actually 6:40 or so, we'll get back to that later. Maybe. We'll see how much I feel like ranting about something I should have seen coming.) Left for Appleton right after work, on like the slowest sports day in history, no professional sports playing AT ALL. So I drove to Appleton, hooked up with Laura a bit before 9:30, closed down a Culvers', went to bed.

Thursday: Got up too late in the morning, Laura had to hurry to go to work so I didn't get to have lunch with her. Went to Power House Comics...pulled on the door, and found it locked. (If you're new to the blog, this isn't a new phenomenon.) Looked down and saw that Power House Comics opens at noon. It wudn't noon yet.

Side note #1: Power House Comics is a really cool place and the guy there is tremendously friendly, as friendly or friendlier than the guy who runs Dragon Fire Comics in West Des Moines. He was knowledgeable and helpful, and when I asked him why his comic book store is only open 4 days a week, and only 7 hours a day, He told me. It's because he's had to pick up a second job. That's sad.

Anyway, Power House Comics was closed so I went to Jimmy John's for lunch (I was sooooo craving a Gargantuan. Seriously. I can still taste it.) Then I went back to Power House Comics, as noon had come and passed. I bought a new comic book and went back to Laura's house, where I set up shop with two comic books, five baseball books and Laura's sister's laptop. I was set up to either research like a crazy man or blow an afternoon like no afternoon has ever been blown before. In the end I did a combination of the two...I got one good baseball article on the site, started work on a second one, and read both comic books, while IM'ing like mad. Then I left to go see Matt.

I still consistently talk to one person from high school, and I talk to as many as a dozen more sporadically. Matt falls into the second category, but the close prozimity of Appleton to his current home in Fond Du Lac drew me to go see him on this day. We played Mario Kart for a long time. His house is nice, he's engaged, he's got a good job. It's kinda scary. I don't have a home in Des Moines, or a job beyond August, and my situation with Laura is good but we're certainly not cemented into place. I've gotta tip my hat to Matt...he didn't go to college but he's making things work. Well, I would have to tip my hat if I were wearing a hat. But I'm not. So I'm tipping a sock. Yes, a sock. Sorry, my clothing options were limited.

I picked Laura up from work Thursday night, she was late getting out and I had to wait a long time. We went to Fazoli's cause I hadn't eaten yet, and we went to see Farenheit 9/11. If half of what Michael Moore says is true, then the concept the movie lays out is goddamn scary. If all of it's true, it's downright horrifying. We got in late from the movie, went to bed shortly thereafter, because...

Today: I had to wake up at 6:45 to be on the road by 7:15 to be at work by 10:15. That 3 hour trip followed by 8 hours of work made for a long day...and I'm not going to rant about why work sucks lately. I'm sick of thinking about it. Tomorrow I work 12-9, Sunday I work 7-4 and then I'm leaving for Appleton again, until I work at 2 on Tuesday. In the meantime, here are some other things going on:

I'm way overdue for an oil change and simply haven't had time to do it. I'm at 5800 miles since my last one. I'm hoping to get it done tomorrow...maybe.

I've been eating a lot of Chinese food lately, first and foremost because it's yummy, but secondly, because lately it's been kinda fun. The good Chinese restaurant here in town is run by a single Chinese family, and their cute daughter is the waitress. I went there for lunch for the first time last week one day, and she didn't really want anything to do with me. But I left a good tip. The second day, she sat down and talked to me for a minute or two, about what I do, etc. (I make this trip on lunch from work, so I'm always alone.) Again, I left a good tip. The third day was Wednesday. She introduced me to her mom. Then her mom and her disappearaed around the corner and had a loud debate in Chinese, while turning around the corner to look at me every few minutes. I'm a bit scared. But I want fried rice really bad. Maybe I'll go tomorrow.

Anyway, that's all from here. Long post concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Ok, here's a new blog feature, the Pre-emptive obituary.

I have no idea if this will be funny enough for me to write more than one, but I think the current situation merits it.

This is a pre-emptive obituary for: The family of 4 who came through my checkout line today. They bought several bags of jelly beans, circus peanuts, and other assorted cheap candies. I watched these candies go by for a minute, then looked up and said "wow, you must have quite the sweet tooth."

Their response: "No, we're feeding the bears."
Me: "Ummm...ok."
Them: "They're cute and watching them is fun."

I didn't respond to that. I don't like developing attachments to the soon-to-be deceased. It's quite possible they've tried to pet a bear by now, and the bear is flossing its teeth with their intestines. And yes, before you ask, I checked their address when they wrote a check, and yes, they were from Illinois.

Dumbfoundedness concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Ok. I'm going to make this lead-in short and sweet. I don't do crack cause I have moments like this without the aid of any drug.

And now, an all new One Act Play by KL Snow!

KL is sitting at his computer. He's typing. A large screen shows his activity. He has this conversation with LilRichysSpanky, aka Ryan.

TheEvilKL: New topic for discussion, the possible merits and pitfalls of living in a 2 dimensional world like that of Sonic the Hedgehog.
LilRichysSpanky: hmmm
LilRichysSpanky: let me ponder that
TheEvilKL: Merit: Giving directions would be incredibly easy. "Just keep going right until you get there."
LilRichysSpanky: lol
TheEvilKL: Pitfall: Highway traffic coming from the left would be coming straight at highway traffic coming from the right.
LilRichysSpanky: pitfall: girth can't be used to compensate for lack of length.
TheEvilKL: ummm.....dude...
LilRichysSpanky: lol
LilRichysSpanky: i keed i keed
LilRichysSpanky: i find a hole in your traffic pitfall
LilRichysSpanky: though there is no depth
LilRichysSpanky: the cars would jsut pass through one another
TheEvilKL: I find a hole in your girth pitfall.
LilRichysSpanky: oh really?
TheEvilKL: Yeah. Something could be short in length but still have a big height.
LilRichysSpanky: hmm
LilRichysSpanky: then i don't see any pitfalls
TheEvilKL: But wouldn't it be like living in the median strip of a highway? Anyone trying to go left or right would indefinitely have to pass right by you.
LilRichysSpanky: yeah
TheEvilKL: Tara's having a harder time buying into my 2 dimensional world.
LilRichysSpanky: i like it
TheEvilKL: The lack of ability to hug has her concerned.
TheEvilKL: I told her we'd just have to press up against each other. Naked.
LilRichysSpanky: no
LilRichysSpanky: you couldn't
LilRichysSpanky: unless you were enemies
TheEvilKL: LOL...I thought you might object.
LilRichysSpanky: because otherwise you'd just be parallel with each other
TheEvilKL: So one in a 2 dimensional world would only have sex with one's enemies?
LilRichysSpanky: i guess so
TheEvilKL: That's a pitfall.
LilRichysSpanky: is tails sonic's buddy?
TheEvilKL: Yeah
LilRichysSpanky: yeah.. see
LilRichysSpanky: sonic and tails don't hit each other
LilRichysSpanky: but they both run into dr. robotnik
TheEvilKL: So I'm gonna end up walking into a bar and using pickup lines like "Hey, bitch!" and "Say, have you gained weight?"
LilRichysSpanky: just might work
LilRichysSpanky: although
LilRichysSpanky: then you could get slapped too
TheEvilKL: I might be better at picking up 2 dimensional chicks.
TheEvilKL: It'd have to be like a straight palm thrust...anything to the sides of my face would require 3 dimensions...I'd probably break my nose a lot.
LilRichysSpanky: yeah
LilRichysSpanky: punches to the gut
LilRichysSpanky: groin
TheEvilKL: I'm naking this conversation into a blog entry.
TheEvilKL: It's going to be an all new One Act Play.
LilRichysSpanky: woohoo

Humor concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Greetings from Appleton, WI, and happy day after the 4th of July.

Another blog, and another e-mail from the Bush administration. This one comes from the same address, bushcheney04@georgewbush.com, but this time it's shown as being from "Campaign Manager Ken Mehlman." To negate Ryan's argument about these e-mails not really being from the Bush administration, first google Ken Mehlman, then check out georgewbush.com. Both are legit.

This e-mail comes with the subject "Happy 4th of July from Bush-Cheney '04!" I must give them credit. This time they failed to offend me with the subject line. And on the inside...nothing! That's right. No message whatsoever. I must give them credit. This is the best political spam I've ever gotten from someone I called a Nazi the week before.

Anyway, on to more notable stuff.

I've been off work since June 25, on a leave of absence to recover from surgery. My leave of absence officially ends tomorrow, July 6th. However, no one seems to know exactly how that works. There's some uncertainty as to whether I can work tomorrow, or if I can't work until Wednesday. I called in to work on Thursday, and no one knew when I work again. They told me they'd have an answer Friday. No answer Friday. Today came and I called again, figuring I'd have to go back to work tomorrow. Instead, I called and got this great quote. "Well, we've looked into it, and we're pretty sure you either need to come back into work tomorrow, or you can't work until Wednesday." That made my brain hurt. I've got off until Wednesday to recover from that.

Laura and I went to fireworks in Green Bay last night and destroyed the "Bigger town = better fireworks" theory. They were ok. Not spectacular though. The fireworks in both Wisconsin Rapids and Minocqua have in the past been more impressive. However, to the best of my knowledge neither a boar nor a house was hit by Green Bay's fireworks, so I guess they've got that going for them, which is nice.

I made the most pointless string of errands ever today. First, I did lunch with Laura, admittedly not pointless. However, from there I made the road trip to Power House Comics, walked across the street, pulled on the door, and it stayed closed. Power House Comics is closed on Monday and Tuesday, so if you're making your very own KL Snow pilgrimage and you're travelling to places I've been, visit Power House Comics on a day that's not a Monday or Tuesday.

I went from there to the mall, equally pointless cause I was there on Saturday and Sunday too. I did buy a couple of books, though.

Then I went to Video Gamestar, which may become another important stop on the KL Snow tour. They sell used NES games. After about 10 minutes in the parking lot on the phone with Ryan, I went in and spent way more than I should have on NES games which I'll play during Wednesday's "Back to the Pile" tour, when I'm readjusting to life as a working dude.

Finally, I came back to Laura's house and looked up another comic book store online, Collector's something or other. I went there and almost freaked out. To quote what I said to Ryan, "There's a comic book store on Morrison, or at least there will be until the building finally rots out and falls down....possibly as soon as tomorrow. I'm serious. The floor slants and creaks and groans under your feet, there's no music playing inside, it's like being inside a house abandoned for 30 years...there's comic books scattered everywhere with no rhyme or reason...I found one comic I was looking for and gave up on digging for the other two. It was a treasure hunt with a creepy silent man watching me. He followed me, a few steps behind, and re-straightened racks after I looked at them, even sometimes after I didn't touch them. It was like reading Rain Man's comic book collection." Yeah. It really was that scary.

Anyway, time to go, getting restless.

Long post concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Ok. I got out of surgery today and everything's ok. Thanks for everyone who's expressed support, maybe I'll talk about that another time. Right now I need to rant before the moment passes.

I got an e-mail today. It was spam, and it was from our president. It was about a video they made about John Kerry, comparing him to the Nazis. They then justified calling John Kerry a Nazi because he and Al Gore (what the fuck does Al Gore have to do with this?) have called the Bush administration Nazis before. Thank you President Bush, you hire speechwriters and content experts to deal with this and the best they could come up with is "He started it." The next time you come up with something this fucking stupid don't even waste my time with it.

There are two groups of people in this world I hate with the fire of a thousand suns. One of them currently runs our government, and one of them sends me spam day after day about generic viagra, making my penis and/or breasts grow, and refinancing my mortgage. It's really rather fitting when they show up in my inbox next to each other.

Here's the e-mail I returned to the gracious folks who felt the need to tell me what the President wanted to waste my time with today.

Why do you continue to ludicrously spam my inbox? I
don't like your candidate. I've compared him to a Nazi
myself. I find your use of mass e-mail sickening and
your policies flat-out disheartening. And Yahoo's
inability to block your crap from filling my inbox
should be criminal.

Please don't bother me anymore. You lost my vote years
ago. Satan could run against you and I'd vote for him.

And I feel like I let them off light cause I'm tired and on pain killers. Maybe the next time I'll hit them harder.

Rant concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Greetings from Appleton, WI, new home away from home of the one and only KL Snow. I'm on my day off from work, but sadly Laura is not, so that's leaving me some time to kill.

But, I do have a story to tell, so without further ado, it's AN ALL NEW ONE ACT PLAY BY KL SNOW! I call this one, "Wow, that was stupid."

KL is in the basement of LAURA'S house watching the 17th inning of a 0-0 baseball game at about 1:45 in the morning. Scott Podsednik doubles, scoring Craig Counsell and giving the Brewers a 1-0 lead. Everyone else is asleep, KL is in the basement by himself.

KL jumps off the couch with his fist raised in the air, smacking his fist and head on the ceiling loudly and simultaneously. Realizing what he just did, KL gets very quiet to see if he hears anyone moving to find the source of the noise. A few moments pass quietly.

KL squeezes his left hand and feels something wrong. He looks down and finds his left middle finger now points way farther to the left than it did before. After a few moments of wiggling, it painfully pops back into the knuckle it came from.

KL: Wow, that was stupid.

In the middle of writing this one act I was called to help Laura's dad move what remains of an old shed in his backyard. The moving itself was nothing notable, working hard to carry things because I want Laura's dad to like me, but then the neighbor from across the street came over to help haul the wood away. We took it to the dump and had one of my favorite "I wish I had a camera" moments of all time. We pulled up to a big dumpster with two legs sticking out of it. Yes, two legs. With pants and shoes on. Apparently someone threw away a mannequin. But it was funny looking from a distance.

That's all for today. I've gotta go clean up before Laura gets home.

Humor concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Wow...it's a tremendously lazy day. I was supposed to stay home today and wait for the phone call to let me know I passed my drug test and I can go start my new job. I got that call at about 9:30 this morning. Since then, I've watched 2 episodes of the West Wing, ate lunch, came back to the computer, chatted online for a little while, moved the couch so I could sit on it and chat online, folded some laundry, moved back to the couch...I feel like such a lazy bum right now.

Laura was in town this weekend, that was awesome. She came up on Friday night and we went out to dinner with Chris and Jess, then we spent the day together on Saturday, introduced her to a lot of the local friends on Saturday night, then spent a pretty quiet day together on Sunday. She left last night and I already really miss her. I hope I'll get to see her again soon.

Laura and I have our 6 month anniversary coming up on June 26...if you have any ideas for things we should do, let me know.

Post concludes. This has been KL Snow

Welcome to KLSnow.blogspot.com. Please have a seat, today's rant about how retarded some people in our midst are is about to begin.

So I got an e-mail today from an Uncle who shall remain nameless for the time being. Here's the text of this e-mail.

DON'T BUY PEPSI IN THE NEW CAN

Pepsi has a new "patriotic" can coming out with pictures of the Empire State Bldg. and the Pledge of Allegiance on them. However, Pepsi left out two little words on the pledge, "Under God". Pepsi said they did not want to offend anyone. If this is true, then we don't want to offend anyone at the Pepsi corporate office. So if we don't buy any Pepsi product, they will not be offended when they don't receive our money that has the words "In God We Trust" on it.

People shouldn't send me e-mails like this. They inspire me to break things. There are times and there are places where bringing God into play is acceptable. This is not one of them. But apparently, someone "under the guidance of God," or perhaps someone who works for Coke, has felt the need to tell you which soft drink God favors. So if you want to stay in the good graces of God, crack open a Coke, or a bottle of wine, or a vial of heroin, just not a Pepsi.

Furthermore, I couldn't care less what's printed on my soft drink can. My can of Pepsi could say "We at Pepsi hope you have a stroke and die before finishing this can so we'll have half a can of Pepsi left to drink when we come ransack your house.", as long as it says "Pepsi" somewhere in there so I know what's in the can. I don't need my soft drink companies to be religious, moral, or patriotic. I need them to make soft drinks that taste good and don't make me vomit. And if you're going to stop consuming Pepsi because it doesn't say "Under God" on it, then I'd like you to stop consuming all things. Including oxygen, which for years has had the utter disrespect to refuse to acknowledge the existence of God.

Wow...it's been exactly a week since that last post, and a hell of a lot has happened. But this is a Blog event for me, the following is the first writing that will ever appear on both my blog and Snowbaseball.com, So I guess the title "stuff I don't put at Snowbaseball.com" is no longer accurate. Perhaps I'll fix that. Perhaps.

Anyway, here's the full Montana story:

Friday, May 21: The day started with a lot of tears, Laura and I parted ways in Des Moines, and to say this made me really sad would be a tremendous understatement. At this point I started counting the days to August 28, when I would be home again to see Laura. Probably should've seen that as a bad omen. Once I got on the road and composed myself I drove for a long time because I didn't want to stop to think about the events of the day...I drove from Des Moines to Sheridan, Wyoming, ate at a good Chinese restaurant, called Laura (briefly) and went to bed.

Day 2: Up early and on the road to make the short second leg of the trip to Missoula. Got to Missoula around 2 in the afternoon, the first day didn't hurt all that much. Moved into the new place, actually was pretty optimistic about it. I met Dan and Lorie for the first time this day, Dan was at home when I got there and the first thing he told me was "Welcome home." I'm going to write a section later where I talk about all the nice things I have to say about all the people I met in Montana, but I'll say this now, I didn't make it in Montana for very longer, but the kindness Dan and Lorie showed me made me want to stay way longer than I would have stayed on my own. Stayed in the hotel with my mom on this night, figured I'd sleep in my bed in Montana enough this summer.

Day 3: Woke up relatively early, did the last setup things in the new place, did laundry with my mom, went to dinner (the Montana Club was excellent and is a definite must-stop in Missoula, btw) and went to see Van Helsing with my mom...said goodbye to her for the summer this night, cried a fair amount. The last person I knew from home was leaving and for the first time I started to feel completely alone in Montana. Dan and Lorie were very cool about it and tried to cheer me up, but really I just wanted to see familiar faces. I called Laura but it was too late, she had already given up on me for the night and gone to bed. So I went online and talked to Tara. Here's the first absolutely glowing reference I have to give out in this story. In every tough phase of my life, the person who's been able to reason with me has always been a female friend who can somewhat relate to how I feel. As I tell story after story, it's usually someone different every time, but in this case it was Tara. Virtually every time I needed someone to talk to this week, Tara's been the one who's come through for me. She was the first one to agree with my decision to come home, and of everyone (except Laura) I've seen since I've gotten home, she's the person I've been able to keep in touch with the most. I'm assuming at some point in the future you'll read this, Tara, and when you do, know that I know that you know that I owe you big for all the support you gave me this week.

Day 4 (Monday, May 24): Woke up early for my first day of work, showered and the like, was ready for work at 8:15 (I had to work at 9) and got bored. For those of you who talked to me during this week, you know boredom was public enemy #1 and created the only situations I couldn't recover from. Being bored made me think about home, all the things I could (and would) be doing if I was home, and all the things I was missing out on. After 15-20 minutes of moping I went to work and for the first time in a few days the excitement I showed wasn't fake. I met everyone in the office right away Monday morning, and I think I got a pretty good impression of the people I was working with right away. I'll talk more about people I worked with later on, but here I've got to mention the first person who went out of his way immediately to introduce himself to me, Tom "Tugboat" Carter. Tug held my job last summer, and did a good enough job that he was allowed to remain on the staff as Community Relations Director this season. The immediate interest Tug showed in meeting me made me feel important and definitely gave me the right impression right away. I worked all morning folding letters for a future mass mailing, and went to lunch with Brett, the other intern, who was nice enough to cancel his lunch plans to take me for a walk around downtown and show me some of the sights. After lunch we came back to work and I went back to folding, and I made it until 4 or so before I finally got bored.
That's when I started to see the problem. I didn't get out of work until after 6, and by the time I did I absolutely wanted to scream. I went home and called my mom, and told her I didn't think I was going to make it. I agreed to press on, and then called Laura, who finally managed to calm me back down a bit. After I talked to Laura, I went back into my room, laid down on my bed and drifted off to sleep. At about 6:30. I woke up briefly and met a friend of Dan's later that evening, but I remember nothing about the conversation...for all intensive purposes I was still asleep.

Day 5 (My 21st birthday): Lorie invited me this morning to go out with Dan and some of their friends that evening to celebrate my birthday, and I accepted. I went to work, had a staff meeting, looked at photos for the team website, and spent most of the afternoon stuffing envelopes again. Finished the day off with a tour of what will be the new ballpark (if it ever gets done) and went home to call the family and Laura...had some nice conversation there, got off the phone and decided another nap was in order until Dan and Lorie got home. I slept like a baby for another couple of hours, and got up and had a good time with Dan and Lorie and their friends. Credit where credit's due here for Dan and Lorie...they saw me struggling and they pulled out all the stops to make me feel better. After partying for a little while I went back to my makeshift desk to receive birthday greetings from those who had waited up for me (most notably Tara) and went to bed.

Day 6 (The breakdown): I had a really hard time sleeping Tuesday night and woke up feeling out of sorts on Wednesday. I went in to work but after a few hours I was really disoriented and just completely not myself. Someone at work who had seen me struggling suggested that my grogginess could have been mono, since I had been so sleepy the last few days. At this point my groggy mind began to worry, earning me a team-forced trip to the doctor. Spent the late morning and early afternoon there, underwent some blood tests (and most of you know how much I love needles) and was found negative for mono, but positive for something. Yes, that's right. By looking at my white blood cell count, which was high, the doctor decided I had contracted something, but decided not to further investigate. He recommended I rest the remainder of the day, but said I could go back to work if I had to. I decided to go back to work. I worked for an hour or so before deciding nevermind, I could not actually make it, and I was sent home, where surprise! I got bored. I napped for a few hours, and then I got up and did some hardcore thinking. I realized that the concept of potentially having mono had actually gotten me excited, because if I had mono I'd have to come home. I realized all I'd been doing all day was trying to find an excuse to get out of Montana and back to my life. After some more thought, for the first time the possibility of giving up and coming home entered into my mind. I didn't want to find out what would happen in the next 93 days, if my brain was already trying to derail itself after four. I talked to Dan and Lorie to work out a deal to possibly leave, and I called my mom. Neither were happy with my decision, but I was able to explain my side to both. Finally, I called Laura. We talked for almost an hour about my decision, how disappointed she was in it, and how she thought it was the wrong move, but eventually I got her support as well. I went to bed Wednesday night having told myself it was the last time I would sleep in Montana.

Day 7 (The ending): I woke up early Thursday morning, couldn't sleep again. I hadn't been able to reach my dad since making my decision, so I tried to call him again at several places, but ended up leaving him an e-mail and a phone message. I packed some things before work this morning, then went in to talk to Assistant GM Chris Hale about what I wanted to do. After I talked to him for a few minutes, then talked to GM Matt Ellis, we reached an agreement for me to leave. I said some quick goodbyes to people around the office, went back and loaded up my car, and left Missoula for the last time at 11 am Mountain time. I drove all the way through Montana and North Dakota that first day. My dad found out about my decision and called me while I was in a cell phone dead zone in Montana, so I was able to talk to him briefly and let him know what was going on. I spent the night in Fargo, North Dakota and drove the rest of the way back the next morning, stopping briefly for dinner and to unload some things in Rapids before I moved on to Appleton, meeting Laura after work. Laura and I spent the weekend together and I think her and I are back on good terms. I'm still upset about the way things turned out but all in all I'm happy to be back home and I think I learned something about my own limitations in Montana. I learned that some things are more important than any baseball career I may have, and I will not neglect those things again.

Storytime concludes. Promise next time post will be made on a lighter note.
This has been KL Snow.