Saturday, July 31, 2004

Ok, here are some more random toys.

PARENTAL
ADVISORY
KL SNOW CONTAINS
EXPLICIT LYRICS

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Kyle Lobner may explode without warning
M
EXPLOSIVE

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Snowbaseball.com
Look out for the
m
HOLE

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

UCAUTION
IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP KL SNOW\'S BLOG AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com


Actually, that's all I've got!

Randomness concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

My brain is...

Blue
What Color is Your Brain?

brought to you by Quizilla

At work or in school: I like to be with people, sharing with them, inspiring them, and helping them. I work and learn best when I can take into consideration people and the human element. I flourish in an atmosphere of cooperation.
With friends: I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic, and I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others. I am affectionate, supportive and a good listener.
With family: I like to be happy and loving. I am very sensitive to rejection from my family and to family conflicts. I really like to be well thought of and need frequent reassurance. I love intimate talks and warm feelings.

I think this is a pretty fair assessment for me. What color is your brain?


Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Ok, to start off with, here's a random thought:

If a tree falls on a florist and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Maybe it's only funny to me. Here's a quick rundown of where I've been, as copied and pasted from the story I told someone else on AIM cause I'm too lazy to write it all again:

on Thursday I went fishing with my dad during the day, then drove to Rapids to pick Laura up, and then drove to Des Moines, getting there slightly after midnight.

Friday we slept in a bit, then went apartment hunting, out to lunch in the suburbs, met Ben to get my apartment keys, went to the cell phone office, went back into town and signed the lease on an apartment, rented a storage unit, went out job hunting for Laura, went job hunting for me, had dinner with Tara and rented Amelie.

Saturday we spent almost 7 hours cleaning my apartment and moving out. It took 3 loads with Laura's van to get all my stuff to the storage unit. I also had to mangle the metal frame of my bed to get it out because it wouldn't come apart (most mangling was preceded by the phrase "Hulk angry"), then I cooked dinner at Laura's apartment, we went to Bourne Supremacy with Tara, and got to bed slightly after midnight again.

Sunday we slept in, went out for brunch, went to the mall so Laura could shop for purses and I could practice my "Frankenstein wastes a minute of our time" impression, went to Tara's apartment to give her her birthday present, went back to Laura's apartment, cleaned up and packed, and drove back to Rapids.

Monday (yesterday) morning I had to leave my dad's by 8 so I could be to work by 10, where I worked until 7. So my ass is worn out.

Actually, after the weekend ended, things didn't get tremendously better...I took it easy after work last night but I was sick overnight again, stupid gall bladder insists on giving me pain even though it's not there anymore. I really want to know what's wrong but I'm scared to go find out, surgery once was enough.

Anyway, there's a fun adventure I missed in my telling of the weekend story, so I'll tell it now. Laura and I went to brunch at Granite City on Sunday, and both of us ate way more than we should, so we weren't hungry until late Sunday night. We decided we would order Papa John's when we got to Rapids...this was someplace in southern Minnesota. Then I remembered, we were talking about Rapids here, not Des Moines, so I wondered if Papa John's would still be open. Here's a step-by-step of the remaining process:

I called Ryan. I'm not sure why, I just thought he should know. And if not, I could use him to look it up. Anyway, Ryan was on the other line with Tara. So I told him about my problem, hung up and waited for him to call me back.

A few minutes later, Tara called. She wasn't Ryan, but I recovered from that surprise long enough to get the phone number for Papa John's.

I called the number Tara gave me. It was disconnected.

I called 411 on my cell phone, and got a man who spoke almost no english. I told him Wisconsin Rapids, WI, and gave him Papa John's, and he told me the nearest Papa John's was in Waukesha. Yes, Waukesha. Farther away than Appleton, La Crosse, Stevens Point, Madison, Oshkosh, Fond Du Lac, Wausau, Marshfield, and about 20 other cities I'm certain must have a Papa John's. 161.3 miles, to be exact. I told him thanks for wasting my time.

I had crossed into Wisconsin in this time, and now I decided to just wait until I was in Rapids and resolve it from there. When we got to Rapids I went to papajohns.com to order online, and found Rapids doesn't have a Papa John's anymore, so I couldn't order.

I went to Wal Mart and bought a frozen pizza.

Frustration concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Ok, greetings and welcome to Appleton, WI, lately there's more blog posts here than anywhere else, it's my blog home away from the blog home that's not really my blog home but it is the place I'm staying since moving out of my blog home in Des Moines.
 
Anyway, nothing tremendously notable has happened recently, so instead of boring you with a day by day look at my boring and repetitive life, I'm going to try to entertain you with a work of short fiction, "The Penny of Doom."
 
The day began like any other. Customers come through, get checked out, customers go away. Sometimes my light is on, sometimes my light is flashing, but there are always customers, ALWAYS. It's Sunday, you see. Customers are on the prowl, customers are lurking, and some customers appear to be shopping for adult diapers, but they're the most dangerous of all, they're looking for a place to crap on the floor, then finishing their day by digging for pennies and making your line stack up to the end of civilization. This particular day, however, there were more sinister forces lurking.
 
You see, most days the saving grace from old people who dig for pennies are the customers behind them. They'd like to finish their shopping on the same day they started, so they frequently dig out their own pennies, slam them on the counter and end the epic search. Not always, however. On this particular day, an elderly woman arrived at the register with the typical elderly woman needs. Twenty seven bottles of vitamins, prescriptions for ailments probably caused by overuse of vitamins, and a giant pack of adult diapers, cause it's hard to control your bladder when you have to take pills with a glass of water 40 times a day.
 
Her total:  $49.03 She stared blankly for a moment. Then, as if remembering for the first tme that money would be involved in this transaction, she put a purse on the counter, the size of a car. After fishing for far too long, a checkbook was captured, and slower than one would think possible, a check was written. I went from cleanshaven to hairy in this time. I checked my watch. It was 3:30. I was supposed to leave at 4. Finally, she wrote me the check, and I thought it was over. Then I looked down at the check. It was for $49.00. "I have the pennies," she said. And then the epic search began. Two pennies quickly surfaced accidentally, as she found them next to the toothbrush and the nose hair trimmer. Then, 15 minutes passed. The purse was empty, and no more pennies had appeared. I looked around, help was not in sight. The customers in line behind the woman, resigned to their fate as potential lifers at Wal Mart, had sat down and opened a box of Pop Tarts, which they were rationing.
 
Some ominous music played, but I thought nothing of it. As quickly as it started, it went away and Paul Simon's You Can Call Me Al began to play. I know all the words to it, and songs like it that play on Wal Mart Radio are sometimes the only thing keeping me sane. So I quietly began to sing along, and right as I hit the part where Chevy Chase would have dropped the glass through the table that's not really a table in the video, a woman dressed in black walked up to my register. "I have a penny," she said in a deep voice I didn't expect. "It's at the deep end of the Dark Labrynith of Purse." With that, she picked up her purse, opened it, and quickly covered my head with it. Everything went black for a second...
 
I snapped back awake to hear a "ziiip" sound. I was in a room with one door. I exited, and found a room with a door. I walked past vampires, bogs and mires, wolfmen, garbage men, pedophiles, the smoking man from the X Files, pyromaniacs, nerds and brainiacs, my deepest fears, Norm from Cheers, heroes and fools, power tools, termites, suburbanites, a man claiming to be from cyberspace, seven men with one face, Frankenstein, Sir Ullrich von Liechtenstein, aliens, Romanians, a giant coffee mug, the guy who invented Weatherbug, a guy who looked wimpy, Ren and Stimpy, seven toasters, half-finished roller coasters, a rack of posters, braggers and boasters, pop stars who couldn't sing, 85 year old men wearing bling, a mother bear missing her cub and 727 copies of The Babysitters' Club."

Finally, I got to another empty room. In it was my car. I knew there was a penny in my car. There had to be a penny in my car. I reached into my pocket to find my keys. And I found...a penny.

Story concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Ok, so it's been a tremendously busy week, and it's not going to get any quieter for a few days. Here's a recent schedule:

Wednesday: Work until 6:30 (actually 6:40 or so, we'll get back to that later. Maybe. We'll see how much I feel like ranting about something I should have seen coming.) Left for Appleton right after work, on like the slowest sports day in history, no professional sports playing AT ALL. So I drove to Appleton, hooked up with Laura a bit before 9:30, closed down a Culvers', went to bed.

Thursday: Got up too late in the morning, Laura had to hurry to go to work so I didn't get to have lunch with her. Went to Power House Comics...pulled on the door, and found it locked. (If you're new to the blog, this isn't a new phenomenon.) Looked down and saw that Power House Comics opens at noon. It wudn't noon yet.

Side note #1: Power House Comics is a really cool place and the guy there is tremendously friendly, as friendly or friendlier than the guy who runs Dragon Fire Comics in West Des Moines. He was knowledgeable and helpful, and when I asked him why his comic book store is only open 4 days a week, and only 7 hours a day, He told me. It's because he's had to pick up a second job. That's sad.

Anyway, Power House Comics was closed so I went to Jimmy John's for lunch (I was sooooo craving a Gargantuan. Seriously. I can still taste it.) Then I went back to Power House Comics, as noon had come and passed. I bought a new comic book and went back to Laura's house, where I set up shop with two comic books, five baseball books and Laura's sister's laptop. I was set up to either research like a crazy man or blow an afternoon like no afternoon has ever been blown before. In the end I did a combination of the two...I got one good baseball article on the site, started work on a second one, and read both comic books, while IM'ing like mad. Then I left to go see Matt.

I still consistently talk to one person from high school, and I talk to as many as a dozen more sporadically. Matt falls into the second category, but the close prozimity of Appleton to his current home in Fond Du Lac drew me to go see him on this day. We played Mario Kart for a long time. His house is nice, he's engaged, he's got a good job. It's kinda scary. I don't have a home in Des Moines, or a job beyond August, and my situation with Laura is good but we're certainly not cemented into place. I've gotta tip my hat to Matt...he didn't go to college but he's making things work. Well, I would have to tip my hat if I were wearing a hat. But I'm not. So I'm tipping a sock. Yes, a sock. Sorry, my clothing options were limited.

I picked Laura up from work Thursday night, she was late getting out and I had to wait a long time. We went to Fazoli's cause I hadn't eaten yet, and we went to see Farenheit 9/11. If half of what Michael Moore says is true, then the concept the movie lays out is goddamn scary. If all of it's true, it's downright horrifying. We got in late from the movie, went to bed shortly thereafter, because...

Today: I had to wake up at 6:45 to be on the road by 7:15 to be at work by 10:15. That 3 hour trip followed by 8 hours of work made for a long day...and I'm not going to rant about why work sucks lately. I'm sick of thinking about it. Tomorrow I work 12-9, Sunday I work 7-4 and then I'm leaving for Appleton again, until I work at 2 on Tuesday. In the meantime, here are some other things going on:

I'm way overdue for an oil change and simply haven't had time to do it. I'm at 5800 miles since my last one. I'm hoping to get it done tomorrow...maybe.

I've been eating a lot of Chinese food lately, first and foremost because it's yummy, but secondly, because lately it's been kinda fun. The good Chinese restaurant here in town is run by a single Chinese family, and their cute daughter is the waitress. I went there for lunch for the first time last week one day, and she didn't really want anything to do with me. But I left a good tip. The second day, she sat down and talked to me for a minute or two, about what I do, etc. (I make this trip on lunch from work, so I'm always alone.) Again, I left a good tip. The third day was Wednesday. She introduced me to her mom. Then her mom and her disappearaed around the corner and had a loud debate in Chinese, while turning around the corner to look at me every few minutes. I'm a bit scared. But I want fried rice really bad. Maybe I'll go tomorrow.

Anyway, that's all from here. Long post concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Ok, here's a new blog feature, the Pre-emptive obituary.

I have no idea if this will be funny enough for me to write more than one, but I think the current situation merits it.

This is a pre-emptive obituary for: The family of 4 who came through my checkout line today. They bought several bags of jelly beans, circus peanuts, and other assorted cheap candies. I watched these candies go by for a minute, then looked up and said "wow, you must have quite the sweet tooth."

Their response: "No, we're feeding the bears."
Me: "Ummm...ok."
Them: "They're cute and watching them is fun."

I didn't respond to that. I don't like developing attachments to the soon-to-be deceased. It's quite possible they've tried to pet a bear by now, and the bear is flossing its teeth with their intestines. And yes, before you ask, I checked their address when they wrote a check, and yes, they were from Illinois.

Dumbfoundedness concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Ok. I'm going to make this lead-in short and sweet. I don't do crack cause I have moments like this without the aid of any drug.

And now, an all new One Act Play by KL Snow!

KL is sitting at his computer. He's typing. A large screen shows his activity. He has this conversation with LilRichysSpanky, aka Ryan.

TheEvilKL: New topic for discussion, the possible merits and pitfalls of living in a 2 dimensional world like that of Sonic the Hedgehog.
LilRichysSpanky: hmmm
LilRichysSpanky: let me ponder that
TheEvilKL: Merit: Giving directions would be incredibly easy. "Just keep going right until you get there."
LilRichysSpanky: lol
TheEvilKL: Pitfall: Highway traffic coming from the left would be coming straight at highway traffic coming from the right.
LilRichysSpanky: pitfall: girth can't be used to compensate for lack of length.
TheEvilKL: ummm.....dude...
LilRichysSpanky: lol
LilRichysSpanky: i keed i keed
LilRichysSpanky: i find a hole in your traffic pitfall
LilRichysSpanky: though there is no depth
LilRichysSpanky: the cars would jsut pass through one another
TheEvilKL: I find a hole in your girth pitfall.
LilRichysSpanky: oh really?
TheEvilKL: Yeah. Something could be short in length but still have a big height.
LilRichysSpanky: hmm
LilRichysSpanky: then i don't see any pitfalls
TheEvilKL: But wouldn't it be like living in the median strip of a highway? Anyone trying to go left or right would indefinitely have to pass right by you.
LilRichysSpanky: yeah
TheEvilKL: Tara's having a harder time buying into my 2 dimensional world.
LilRichysSpanky: i like it
TheEvilKL: The lack of ability to hug has her concerned.
TheEvilKL: I told her we'd just have to press up against each other. Naked.
LilRichysSpanky: no
LilRichysSpanky: you couldn't
LilRichysSpanky: unless you were enemies
TheEvilKL: LOL...I thought you might object.
LilRichysSpanky: because otherwise you'd just be parallel with each other
TheEvilKL: So one in a 2 dimensional world would only have sex with one's enemies?
LilRichysSpanky: i guess so
TheEvilKL: That's a pitfall.
LilRichysSpanky: is tails sonic's buddy?
TheEvilKL: Yeah
LilRichysSpanky: yeah.. see
LilRichysSpanky: sonic and tails don't hit each other
LilRichysSpanky: but they both run into dr. robotnik
TheEvilKL: So I'm gonna end up walking into a bar and using pickup lines like "Hey, bitch!" and "Say, have you gained weight?"
LilRichysSpanky: just might work
LilRichysSpanky: although
LilRichysSpanky: then you could get slapped too
TheEvilKL: I might be better at picking up 2 dimensional chicks.
TheEvilKL: It'd have to be like a straight palm thrust...anything to the sides of my face would require 3 dimensions...I'd probably break my nose a lot.
LilRichysSpanky: yeah
LilRichysSpanky: punches to the gut
LilRichysSpanky: groin
TheEvilKL: I'm naking this conversation into a blog entry.
TheEvilKL: It's going to be an all new One Act Play.
LilRichysSpanky: woohoo

Humor concludes. This has been KL Snow.

Monday, July 05, 2004

Greetings from Appleton, WI, and happy day after the 4th of July.

Another blog, and another e-mail from the Bush administration. This one comes from the same address, bushcheney04@georgewbush.com, but this time it's shown as being from "Campaign Manager Ken Mehlman." To negate Ryan's argument about these e-mails not really being from the Bush administration, first google Ken Mehlman, then check out georgewbush.com. Both are legit.

This e-mail comes with the subject "Happy 4th of July from Bush-Cheney '04!" I must give them credit. This time they failed to offend me with the subject line. And on the inside...nothing! That's right. No message whatsoever. I must give them credit. This is the best political spam I've ever gotten from someone I called a Nazi the week before.

Anyway, on to more notable stuff.

I've been off work since June 25, on a leave of absence to recover from surgery. My leave of absence officially ends tomorrow, July 6th. However, no one seems to know exactly how that works. There's some uncertainty as to whether I can work tomorrow, or if I can't work until Wednesday. I called in to work on Thursday, and no one knew when I work again. They told me they'd have an answer Friday. No answer Friday. Today came and I called again, figuring I'd have to go back to work tomorrow. Instead, I called and got this great quote. "Well, we've looked into it, and we're pretty sure you either need to come back into work tomorrow, or you can't work until Wednesday." That made my brain hurt. I've got off until Wednesday to recover from that.

Laura and I went to fireworks in Green Bay last night and destroyed the "Bigger town = better fireworks" theory. They were ok. Not spectacular though. The fireworks in both Wisconsin Rapids and Minocqua have in the past been more impressive. However, to the best of my knowledge neither a boar nor a house was hit by Green Bay's fireworks, so I guess they've got that going for them, which is nice.

I made the most pointless string of errands ever today. First, I did lunch with Laura, admittedly not pointless. However, from there I made the road trip to Power House Comics, walked across the street, pulled on the door, and it stayed closed. Power House Comics is closed on Monday and Tuesday, so if you're making your very own KL Snow pilgrimage and you're travelling to places I've been, visit Power House Comics on a day that's not a Monday or Tuesday.

I went from there to the mall, equally pointless cause I was there on Saturday and Sunday too. I did buy a couple of books, though.

Then I went to Video Gamestar, which may become another important stop on the KL Snow tour. They sell used NES games. After about 10 minutes in the parking lot on the phone with Ryan, I went in and spent way more than I should have on NES games which I'll play during Wednesday's "Back to the Pile" tour, when I'm readjusting to life as a working dude.

Finally, I came back to Laura's house and looked up another comic book store online, Collector's something or other. I went there and almost freaked out. To quote what I said to Ryan, "There's a comic book store on Morrison, or at least there will be until the building finally rots out and falls down....possibly as soon as tomorrow. I'm serious. The floor slants and creaks and groans under your feet, there's no music playing inside, it's like being inside a house abandoned for 30 years...there's comic books scattered everywhere with no rhyme or reason...I found one comic I was looking for and gave up on digging for the other two. It was a treasure hunt with a creepy silent man watching me. He followed me, a few steps behind, and re-straightened racks after I looked at them, even sometimes after I didn't touch them. It was like reading Rain Man's comic book collection." Yeah. It really was that scary.

Anyway, time to go, getting restless.

Long post concludes. This has been KL Snow.